We have a number of grievances about your husband, and we are sad to inform you that your husband is banned from Walmart. Here is a list of incidents that have prompted us to send this letter:
August 7th, 2023 - Pretending to be a staff member. When a customer asked for directions, they gave the worst directions possible.
August 13th, 2023 - Going near the door of the security room and playing the music that plays right before Freddy Fazbear kills you in the game, Five Night's at Freddy's.
August 18th, 2023 - Hacking into the intercom system and playing the song, Never Gonna Give You Up.
August 23rd, 2023 - Pretending to have a heart attack.
August 30th, 2023 - Grabbing the most expensive item in the store, paying in cash, using only $1 bills.
September 3rd, 2023 - Shutting off the power for the entire store, then playing on full blast, It's Just a Burning Memory.
September 7th, 2023 - Swapping several items in the store around.
September 12th, 2023 - Pulling the fire alarm at precisely 1:00AM.
September 16th, 2023 - Staring into a camera for precisely 5 minutes and 37 seconds.
September 23rd, 2023 - Swapping the price labels for precisely 36 different items.
September 30th, 2023 - Hacked into the intercom system and playing every copyrighted song at once.
October 5th, 2023 - Screaming at random customers.
October 13th, 2023 - Throwing out all the toilet paper in every bathroom.
October 17th, 2023 - Hiding around corners and jumping out at passing customers.
October 24th, 2023 - Having a staff member take a gun out of its case and hand it to him. He then says, "You know, I've been a bit down lately."
October 30th, 2023 - Taking random people's shopping carts while they aren't looking and walking to the other side of the store.
This letter was sent on behalf of Walmart.
We have a number of grievances about your husband, and we are sad to inform you that your husband is banned from Walmart. Here is a list of incidents that have prompted us to send this letter:
August 7th, 2023 - Pretending to be a staff member. When a customer asked for directions, they gave the worst directions possible.
August 13th, 2023 - Going near the door of the security room and playing the music that plays right before Freddy Fazbear kills you in the game, Five Night's at Freddy's.
August 18th, 2023 - Hacking into the intercom system and playing the song, Never Gonna Give You Up.
August 23rd, 2023 - Pretending to have a heart attack.
August 30th, 2023 - Grabbing the most expensive item in the store, paying in cash, using only $1 bills.
September 3rd, 2023 - Shutting off the power for the entire store, then playing on full blast, It's Just a Burning Memory.
September 7th, 2023 - Swapping several items in the store around.
September 12th, 2023 - Pulling the fire alarm at precisely 1:00AM.
September 16th, 2023 - Staring into a camera for precisely 5 minutes and 37 seconds.
September 23rd, 2023 - Swapping the price labels for precisely 36 different items.
September 30th, 2023 - Hacked into the intercom system and playing every copyrighted song at once.
October 5th, 2023 - Screaming at random customers.
October 13th, 2023 - Throwing out all the toilet paper in every bathroom.
October 17th, 2023 - Hiding around corners and jumping out at passing customers.
October 24th, 2023 - Having a staff member take a gun out of its case and hand it to him. He then says, "You know, I've been a bit down lately."
October 30th, 2023 - Taking random people's shopping carts while they aren't looking and walking to the other side of the store.
Thank you for your understanding.