Jokes and Funny pictures Forum
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A book is always the best friend
I was travelling by train to Athens last July and beside me a beautifull woman was reading a book of Sexology, she told me that she's a proffessor in the university, I said I understand and I dared to ask her who she believes are the best lovers in the world if that is her study, she said almost immediately native americans, I said a bit dissappointed "and after them?", she said may be Jews, I asked almost desperate" and then?' , well she said may be French, and I replied, ok. nice to meet you Geronnymo Cohen Legrec! 
Sometimes a book or a hat can do all the work
In a pirate ship the captain orders a stammerer sailor to climb on the main mast and to stay there watching around the ruthless sea. Suddenly he views another ship coming towards them and he tries to warn the crew: “ a sh..sh..sh- sh sh…sh. A sh..sh ..sh a sh..sh” but anxious the shuttered sailor cannot finnish his word and the two ships collide each other. After one month they repair the pirate ship and the captain puts him again on the main mast to watch around believing that in this way he may start to talk normally. After a while he views another ship coming and anxious he tries to warn the crew: “ a sh..sh..sh- sh sh…sh. A sh..sh ..sh a sh…sh a ship” but they have already crushed again and many men are wounded
The captain desperate gathers the crew and he tells them that next time he start to say something they better jump into the sea…So in the next voyage the stammerer sailor climbs on the main mast again and after some hours he sees something and he starts again “sh..sh..sh- sh sh…sh.. sh..sh- sh sh…sh” everybody jumps into the sea and the stammerer sailor desperate is looking at them as he finishes: “sh…sh.Shark!”
Damn! they have seen me
hahahhaha :)
Heavenly sweet Grace in a restaurant calls the waiter:
- Can you roast this duck a little bit more please?
- Why, what is the problem?
- It eats my spring rolls!
hahahahha oh belle you make me laugh.
One couple has a close encounter of 3rd type as they were having holidays in the sun one summer morning. They see a U.F.O. landed in their beach and a beautifull female being and a male come to them and friendly say ‘hi’ we come from a distant planet and we’d like to experience and learn how you do sex on earth and they ask to exchange wives for one night.
Mike asks his wife if she agrees, Lola says to Mike that she wouldn’t bother and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks “Well, was it any good?” “I hate to say it,” says Lola, “well it was pretty wonderful. He was asking me if I enjoy it longer, then he was pulling his left ear and wow! unbelievable, if thicker he was pulling his right ear and wow!fantastic and Mike tormented with red red ears bewildered replies: “So that is why all she kept doing the whole night was pulling my ears.”!!
Three young women lose their lives in a car crash and they go to meet St. Peter.
St.Peter asks the first woman: "how many times have you cheated your husband ? "
And she answers: "One time only!" "Put her in the golden room" says to his assistant.
Then ask the second:“how many times you committed the sin of adultery?" she answers: "Only twice ! " “Put her in the silver room" he says.
And you? asks the third one: "how many times you committed the awful sin of cheating? And she naively answers: "Whenever they have asked me I never denied!” “This one, put her in my room !"
A couple goes to an art gallery. They stand in front of a marvelous picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but her husband keeps on looking. The wife asks: "Lets move on.What are you waiting for?" and her husband replies: "Autumn"
Eve this is not a salad, it's the basket with my laundry
The 5 Secrets to a Perfect Relationship...
..1 It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks, cleans & has a job.
..2 It's important have a woman who can make you
laugh.
..3 It's important to have a woman who you can
trust and doesn't lie.
..4 It's important to have a woman who is good in bed
and likes being with you.
..5 It's very, very important that these four women
don't know each other.
Woody Allen was philosophising about how he imagines his next life “In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day, then you party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then "Voila"! You finish off as an orgasm!”
A basketball player in a bar is flirting with a beautiful woman and persuades her to leave the bar and go home. During the preliminary and while he takes off his shirt the woman sees a tattoo on his chest that says REEBOK He explains that this is for promotional purposes and that REEBOK pays him well for this.
After a little while he takes off his pants, she sees PUMA on his leg. Then again he explains that is for promotional reasons. While he takes off his boxers she sees down there a tattoo writing AIDS and very scared is ready to go but he says:
- Don’t be afraid, if you come a little closer immediately turns in ADIDAS!
