Jokes and Funny pictures Forum

World Cup Final

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch.

He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.

‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ 

This is incredible,’ said the man

.

‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’

The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me.

I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.

This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’

‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….

But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take

her seat?’

The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

Sexual scandal under the sea came up on surface 

as female officer of the Brittish Navy had sex with the Commander into a pink submarine

and could you believe it?  it was a nuclear submarine

you can imagine the danger because nuclear weapons have extremely sensitive sensors

we are talking about a Nuclear Orgasm 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/10/06/second-officer-removed-alleged-improper-relationship-female/

This ongoing 3 years madness of torturing the members with V3 applications and tell me what browser do you use and tell me what mobile phone you use, and i didn't have this bug yesterday there but i have it now etc reminds me of that joke with someone who wants to buy a new shirt and goes into a big store -- there meets one of those people who are supposed to help him... 

_ hello sir, you are in the most exquisite store, how can I help you?

_ well I want to buy a new shirt with white and blue stripes

_ as you know sir we are experts here and this floor is only for one color shirts, you have to go to the 1st floor I'm afraid

he goes to the 1st floor and he asks there "well I want to buy a new shirt with white and blue stripes"

_ well as you know sir, we are the best store in town, tell me do you like a shirt with thin stripes or a shirt with a few thicker stripes only?

_ well thin stripes I guess and I'd like it with sleeves for cuff links too

_ then you have to go to the 2nd floor sir cause here we've got only with buttoned sleeves

he goes to the 2nd floor and asks there "well I want to buy a new shirt with thin white and blue stripes and sleeves for cuff links etc '

_ Okay sir, here we've got exactly what you want but in order to get the best result and be absolutely satisfied, cause we have the best service, you need to bring us the tie and the trouser you are going to wear with your shirt

_ No, I just want to buy the shirt, please let me go with it

_ No sir, I'm sorry , this is not a simple shirt, it's a shirt with a new fabric, we have to see your ties and your trousers

Then the poor client frustrated  decides to go away from that shop as soon as possible and as he makes his way to the exit he sees someone trying to check-out with a toilet paper in his hand, shouting  

" will you let me buy this toilet paper at last !? I have bringed you the lavatory from my house and i have shown you my assss! 

President Emmanuel Macron blames his visitors for his dog's behaviour 

 Adam & Eve were expelled from Paradise because of an Apple bite

         Paradise Papers were leaked files from an Apple byte 

    _Merry Christmas Lucrece 

 _  Another year passed and I'm still a virgin 

_ Please Lucrece,  don't start again, these days you should discover the innocence inside you... Come on tell me what will you ask from Santa Claus, eh? 

  _  a  Date  

 Arghhh, but you can't stop thinking about sex at least for one single day? there's nothing else that can move your heart from all the atmosphere of these blessed days of christmas?

_ Yes, I am moved by the reflections on the Christmas decorations... they are so beautiful !  Look !

 Merry Christmas for those who love Maths

            and for those who love Chemis-tree