sacred chess jokes
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Police: You were swervig pretty badly back there. lets see if you can drive a straight lane.
Knight: Aww,shoot!
lol
LOL!
This one's actually pretty good:
A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him! "What's it like, where you are now," he asked. "What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news." "Tell me the good news first." "Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them." "Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?" "You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday." |
Jun 25, 2015
0
#87
WARNING NSFW:
CHESS MAN
by noykoa
One day a man hated himself so much, but he had one joy in life, CHESS! He plays himself and reads about it, and visits the sacred chess forums like you and me. But one day he feels a little bit too sad, too sad to play chess. He blows his brain out but the bullet ricochets off his bishop and the launches the bishop into the hole in his head stopping the blood flow and he never dies. He notices that he is getting smarter, better at chess because of the piece lodged in his brain so he joins a chess tournament. Bobby Fisher is there and the man with the bishop in his head wiggles his gun and waves. And then he wins chess all day and kills himself for real at the end of the day.
why there is a rule told that bishop, knight, rook, and queen cannot get a promotion?
Because if they get a promotion, they'll became the king. The opponent will be suffered by thinking of how doing a twice/triple/more checkmate.
A drunk horse is stopped by a policeman. The policeman says "You're alcohol meter was pretty over the top, lets see if you can walk a straight line" Horse: "Oh crap!"
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
this one cracked me up
A Chess Player is walking from the lake carrying two fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The Chess player says to the warden, "I did not catch these fish, they are my pets's pawn. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these fish jump out and I take around to see the sights only to return them at the end of the day; remember that the Chess Board is like an ocean; full of fish". The warden, does not play chess, he not had any idea what he's taking about; not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "CHECK" "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." The Chess Player turns to the warden and says, "What fish!?" |
Whoah what gender operations have arrived
For a promotion
Funy
You have a pun and a bun, but your opponent has a gun and dung
Apr 13, 2016
0
#96
I bought a chess set the other day ,nice wooden pieces looked good problem with one of the bishops it was all bent and crooked I says to the old man "this bishops bent" and he says "they all are!
Black Pawn: How would you describe the moment you won?
White King: I was moved
A kid goes to chess class. His mother asks him, "What did you learn today?" The kid said, "I learned that pawns fit up my nose!"
Why did both the sides make a peace treaty. It was because it was night(Knight).
Jul 9, 2016
0
#100
Why are Bishops always hanging around the Queen - because both represent a cause for peace..... Why are Rooks always near-by the King - because both represent a cause for strengthing home front..... Why are Knights forever leaping over Pawns - because both are subjected to be ruled over; and, Knights like to have someone to rule over too!!
