the sky and only you were

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uu006

the sky and only you were

 

i felt the air turn

cold and damp wind

  suddenly

swirled around me;

blowing leaves in a

circle where my body,

           standing still,

was the

           eye/

    the circumference.

 

roars of thunder filled

the air and only you were

there to witness this rush-

 

when suddenly an angry

roar of music filled the

   darkening sky

and my feet began to

          lift 

  

   while my voice and

      one unknown said

 in unison,

“he wants to see you.”

 

but this was no introduction

i was looking forward to

as your face grew tiny and

the music grew louder.

 

the damp wind rushed down

the length of my body

      and the clouds, with 

 their bursts of electricity and 

shades of cold gray 

began to break

             (above) me

 

when finally, i awoke

             sitting upright

 

blanketed by my own sweat

    to spend most of the day

being especially kind

  and thankful.

Writch

Like Deliverance, by IJReilly on another post - this prose seems to describe a mystical moment, a transformational that changes the way you perceive reality (or further supports an existing worldview - depending if this happens more than just the once).

At speaks to us two levels, it is literal and metaphoric: the storm imagary  communicates how the emotion-packed event "took you by storm" and that on the other side, was cleansing - much like a thunderstorm washes the landscape. At the end it's similar to the feeling after a storm - sunny, but damp with the residue serving as a reminder of the tempering tempest.

uu006

Thank you for the insightful and interesting feedback. 

I had this dream several years ago.  I must have been feeling guilty about something.  The music was a profound classical; something you might hear from Shostakovich.  God was angry and I was the cause.  My excitement toward the fantasy of free flight was ruined by the fear on what awaited me beyond the clouds.  When I woke up, I was drenched in sweat which explained the dampness and drizzle in the dream.  It certainly set the tone for the day. 

I love prose or free verse poetry. I tend to write about dreams.  I was very influenced by greats like Russell Edson.

csharpe

I like the title a lot, and the poem has a strong dreamy/nightmarey feel to it.  A bit of a critique, if you don't mind?

I might take out one of the 'roars' and one of the 'damps', and the word 'very in front of stormy.  Allow the strength of your writing-and it is strong- to convey your feelings.  'Very' does nothing toward that end.  The forward slashes at the end and in the middle of lines are distracting, pulling me away from your fine work a bit.  Line breaks are sufficient to lend emphasis and meaning to your work.  I would like to see more of your stuff.  Charlie

Exquisite-Fairy

I love his stuff!  What happened to the others?

Writch
EF: Who's stuff? 006's or Russell Edson? And again, 'the others'? 006 had more in here?
csharpe

The Others-featuring Nichole Kidman, was a thought provoking movie, if a bit dark.

uu006

Charlie;

I think you're right.  I wasn't getting the full purpose intended by the slashes. I reworked it some based on your feedback and made some other tweaks.  See what you think.  Thanks!!!  I also had a tendency to use "and" too much in other poems.

I welcome your criticisms and same goes to the rest of you who took the time to read my poetry! 

Exquisite-Fairy

Mr. Writch;

I love Mr. 006's poems.  He had some others but the seem to be gone now. ???????  I have no idea who Russell Edson is, but I am going to Google that name.