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Hey guys I've played about 6 games now and holy fuck this sucks. Black is super overpowered, and Sicillian sucks ass and no one likes it. And why isn't there more communication with the community? I have some ideas that I think would help this fucking trainwreck a lot.Firstly the pieces are all unbalanced. I've mostly been using the knights, since rooks are gay, and jesus christ they're underpowered. Their HP is basically non-exsistent, and their movement pattern is honestly worse than my neighbours blind dog. I suggest adding a ranged attack to give them a little fucking use outside of fucking paperweights.I also think the way this game handles promotions is fucking stupid. In real medieval combat a pawn (stupid name by the way) wouldn't get to have sex with the king just because they managed to run 8 fucking meters. I suggest adding a new mechanic where you need to seduce the king over a high school semester to finally become a queen (also give the pawns bigger tits)Finally it's pretty stupid that when pieces are killed, there's no blood. Why do the devs need to sacrifice realism just so that stupid fucking kids can play a grown up game. In real history kids didn't lead armies. Besides, an 8 year old fucktard should never beat a 28 year old modern genius who's studied military history for literally months. It's just because of the stupid fucking balance that fucking ruins my 100% accurate reconstruction of 13th century mongol tactics fuck that bitch Timmy and his stupid fucking glasses.

you are extremely bourgeois and extremely pseudointellectual, which is practically redundant, if you think chess is good, and especially if you think you can shame the awesome power of my own intellect with your low-level chess-worshiping bourgeois brain. this is a battle you can't win. the last time i thought chess was impressive, i was 13, and still a naif who understandably trusted that the standard bourgeois model of what constitutes "intellectual pursuits" was anything other than a massive illusion designed to ensnare people of weak minds and spirits like you into sustaining it chess only had any prestige to begin with because its complexity couldn't be completely mapped out until modernity, at which point it took about a century to realise that it was basically highly complex tic-tac-toe. why do you think the first impressive task of "GOFAI," fake AI that isn't AI at all, was to master chess? because chess is glorified tic-tac-toe. a finite set of rules and predictive power is all it takes to "win." human chess players are simply slower computers. i know all this because while your brain was stagnating in adolescence, i was phenomenologically generating the cognitive tools and habits of a free-thinking adult, and i intuitively analysed the history and genealogy of chess, then created a homegrown philosophy of chess and heuristic mental model of the complete linearity and monocognitivism of chess "talent." it's tic-tac-toe. when i checked my findings, i found that every other smart person agrees with me, and not you. at least play Go or something. Go currently has the status chess had in the early modern and medieval period. it still has possibilities. but even those will be mapped out. true intellects discover and then delight in the continuous, novel, evolutionary generation of pragmatist-epistemological heuristics for new games, new fields of play, new "metas." that is only possible in the world of esports. or keep worshiping the dead bourgeois husk that is chess. it will only further degrade your inferior brain. Luisa dar uk

What would you play for white after move 15? (Bb7)

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the chess.com university prodigy program, and I’ve been involved in numerous minority attacks on the queenside, and I have over 300 confirmed brilliancies. I am trained in karpovian positional play and I’m the top tactician in the entire Russian Olympic Team. Your pawns are nothing to me but just another target. I will exploit your weak color complexes with precision the likes of which has never been seen since Capablanca, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of IMs and GMs and your ICC handle is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rating. You’re as good as 1100, kid. I can attack anywhere, anytime, and I can checkmate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with a king and one bishop. Not only am I extensively trained in Chess960, but I have access to the entire opening book of the Botvinnik School and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rating off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your rating is fucking dead, patzer.

https://api.streamelements.com/kappa/v2/speech?voice=Brian&text=Hey%20xQc%20my%20son%20is%20a%20huge%20fan%20of%20yours.%20Anyway%20over%20the%20past%20few%20days%20of%20watching%20you%20play%20this%20game%20hes%20got%20much%20better%20at%20playing%20baseball%20(he%20plays%20in%20the%2011-13%20year%20old%20division).%20I%20just%20wanted%20to%20stop%20by%20and%20thank%20you%20for%20teaching%20him%20how%20to%20throw%20so%20well.

I was planning against this random guy IRL. We were sitting at the table, I'm up a knight, a bishop, two rooks and a queen. When he starts "texting his sister," the game keeps going. We are pretty even after that with him gaining ground. Then I see the whatsapp profile picture of the person he's texting on his screen briefly. It's my wife. I am outraged, but decide to restore my honor by beating him in chess. However, that plan backfires and I'm increasing falling back to where hes got advantage and I lose. I call him out on fucking my wife and tell him to put his phone on the table. To humor me and open it up so I can see that he was texting my wife. Instantly, he is like no I'm not. And my girlfriend and his fiance, who were watching, were telling me I'm being ridiculous and that monogamy is an obsolete concept anyway. I agreed that the social unit of the core family has outlived its original purpose but it's a matter of respect and character for your opponent. He refuses to show his phone. I tell them if there is nothing to hide, just show it and make me look like an idiot. He refused again. The girls said I was being crazy and I need to get a divorce.I guess I'm more ranting than anything. How do you feel when you get cheated on? Was I being ridiculous for calling him out? I just hope this wont affect my rating in the long long term.

The rook didn't inappropriately touch me as a child

Chess hasn't been updated in almost 200 years and it's obvious the devs have abandoned it. The greedy creators took your money and laughed all the way to the bank. I remember back in 705 AD when chess was fun. Then they started adding stupid features no one wanted like "Castling" and "En Passant" instead of listening to player feedback and fixing game-breaking bugs. I've been complaining for YEARS about the collision-detection glitch with the horsey. The "clipping-thru-pieces" bug has been abused to death and the lazy devs refuse to fix it. Don't support this awful behaviour and boycott this company.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the chess.com university prodigy program, and I’ve been involved in numerous minority attacks on the queenside, and I have over 300 confirmed brilliancies. I am trained in karpovian positional play and I’m the top tactician in the entire Russian Olympic Team. Your pawns are nothing to me but just another target. I will exploit your weak color complexes with precision the likes of which has never been seen since Capablanca, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of IMs and GMs and your ICC handle is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your rating. You’re as good as 1100, kid. I can attack anywhere, anytime, and I can checkmate you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with a king and one bishop. Not only am I extensively trained in Chess960, but I have access to the entire opening book of the Botvinnik School and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable rating off the face of the internet, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. Your rating is fucking dead, patzer.