GM Smerdon's Criteria for Choosing an Opening

GM David Smerdon doesn't have a lot of time to devote to his openings, so he has some strict criteria for choosing them.

I'm wondering if you adhere to these criteria. If you do, could you tell us the openings that you play?

According to GM Smerdon, the opening chosen must be: 

1. Practical -- sound but not necessarily ultra-solid main lines (maybe a secondary line or uncommon)

2. Realistic -- you get it most of the time (well above 50%)

3. Sneaky -- it has enough tricks to bag a few easy points (one in ten or fifteen games will be a miniature)

4. Tough to Draw -- your opponent will not have any common forcing lines that lead to draws

5. Enjoyable -- the opening suits your temperament (you may wave this one for this discussion)

GM Smerdon's example, for Black, suiting these criteria is the 2...Nf6 Scandinavian. 

Let's try to divide up this answer into meaningful groups. For instance:

As White

As Black versus 1.e4

As Black versus 1.d4

White: 1.Nc3 or Bird's opening

Black vs. e4: Alekhine's defense, Pirc defense

Black vs. d4: Budapest Gambit

Black vs. c4: English defense OR Dutch defense

Black vs. Nf3: Dutch