In fact, now that I look through the index of variations, Marin's "Beating the Open Games" might well have been more honest had it included the sub-head, "(By Keeping them Closed").
How to Play the Open Games

I've tried playing for quick development now instead of trying to keep a pawn on e5 but nothing has really changed.
After 1.e4 e5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.Bc4 Bc5, d3/c3 positions are overwhelmingly common. I play against this around 90% of the time and that's including other first moves for White.
The king's gambit is comes up sometimes and I usually get 1.e4 e5 2.f4 Nf6 3.Nc3 d5 in just about every game so no worries there.
The Ruy Lopez is very rare but it tends to be open and there's a random Scotch game sometimes.
But I'm almost always in closed positions when I play 1...e5 and it doesn't seem like my choices are going to do anything about that. In fact if it wasn't for the fact that I play 1.e4 I'd probably never get open games. So what am I supposed to do? Do I have to start playing the Latvian gambit now?

Agreed. White has no way to avoid gaining an opening advantage for free.
This may be true but it does actually open the game and that's really all I wanted.
90% of my games w/ 1.e4 e5 have been Italian games w/ d3 and c3 and Ruy Lopezes so it seems to me that I'm not going to get anything resembling an open game unless I agree to go down some theoretical gambit I may only see less than 10% of the time. This doesn't seem reasonable to me. For higher rated players that have mastered all this and see it as a simple exercise it might be fine but it's not that simple for me.
...excluding the Ruy Lopez, and the Modern Bishop's game/Pianissimo, and 2/3 of the Vienna Complex, and many lines of the 4k.
Really, when you consider how often all the various lines of e4e5 games get played, the open games are mostly really quiet.
d4 leads to much more wide-open play in practice.