someone help me memorize new meta theory ?

Ok

Well I do need to improve to make money teaching to pay for school and seminary so ig I need to study other areas blegh I feel unprofessional but whatever

My chess coach currently has me studying Jeremy Silman's How To Reassess Your Chess.

Their was a time years ago that I thought I was "To advanced" for that book. I allowed my pride to get in the way of improving. Now Im seriously studying it and realizing its a perfect fit for me.

You need to do what you think is best for you. Not for your ego. Not for your pride. Not for attention. Not for what others will think. You need to do you.

In my mind, "Chess meta theory" has nothing to do with memorizing opening lines.

THIS is Chess meta theory:

GM Larry Evans' method of static analysis - Chess Forums - Chess.com

Read down at least to post #12.

Take your last game. No need to know theory. No need to know middlegame plans.

You just need to ask simple questions.

"What is my opponent trying to do?"

"Are my pieces safe?"

So yeah I suck ig, but i need to not suck, ok, never blunder again, ill hit 2200

If your goal is to never blunder again. You will be the first person to do it.

Glad to see that everyone here tries to help you. Listen to us and you will improve. Stop listening to your mind trying to contradict which says that you "suck" at chess. You can get better but only if you choose to do so. This mentality will get you nowhere.

Regarding your last comment:

You need to accept the fact that you will, at any level, make blunders. I am 2100 in rapid and I still sometimes do terrible (almost beginner-like) mistakes. It happens and it doesn't mean you are stupid.

"Failure is success in progress." – Albert Einstein

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." – Elbert Hubbard

"We learn from failure, not from success." – Bram Stoker

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." – Winston Churchill