Did cavemen have axes?
the caveman opening
Do they pillage?
Of course they do, haven't you seen "Conan the Barbarian: The Musical" ?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw

ok, the barbarian opening. No problem, it fits the idea.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH e4
wwwwwwAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAA e5
man

I always mess this up... is it pillage-plunder-burn or is it burn-plunder-pillage? Plunder... plunder... or is it blunder? Dammit...
yep, the opening where, in chess terms, you swing the largest axe you can find at the head of your opponent. Contenders??