Chess Jerk

It sounds to me that this kid has underlying issues that make him behave this way.  It might be that chess is the only thing he is any good at, and therefore he uses it as a prop to his self esteem.  That said (and its an assumption anyway) there's no excuse for his behaviour.  The way I think it should work is that the club is the most important thing, and the club isnt the building you meet in, it's the people who make it, whether they are good players or not.  The worst case would be if other members left because of him bullying them.  On the other hand, it could be that a push in the right direction could completely change his attitude.  I would suggest talking to him along these lines. 'Look, why do you have an attitude problem towards the other players. Obviously, you must have some sort of problem.  Maybe you find it hard to socially interact, if you want to talk about it you can talk to me man to man.  I promise I wont involve your mother.'

That way, youre not focusing on the chess and not threatening him.  But it implies that he is somehow inferior to the others, not superior.  And it might make him want to change his attitude if he feels pitied.  If that fails, show him the door in the interests of the other players.

One more thing is this.  Presumably you have an AGM?  Next AGM get a secret suggestions box organised that raises the issue of 'members abusing other members' or something like that.  And make sure some senior members get involved in a discussion, not mentioning him particularly, but stressing the existence of the club as a place to make friends and learn.

I just think that by not ostracising him and giving him a chance, it might help him develop as an individual and give back to the club.  And if he's a good player, that could help the club in the long term.

Thanks mxdplay4.  Good advice. 

AGM - annual general meeting ?  We have not been a club for a year yet, so annual anything is moot at this time.  I do like the "stressing the existence of the club as a place to make friends and learn," part.  That has been my tatic thus far.  Maybe if it is broached formally in an all hands meeting forum, it will be more poignant.

After reading all the advice in this thread, I think I will make it clear, one on one, that his behavior is unacceptable and explicitly define concequences for noncompliance.  No more beating around the bush with general discussions about chess etiquette or chess being a gentelman's game.

Thanks again to all.

More good advice from all.

I think I would like to resolve the issues with the kid directly rather than with the mother if it is possible.  Thanks to many of you I think I know how to handle that now.  It is true I have no experence with correcting adolesent behavior & I'm sure the mom could offer advice.  I intend to leave that a a contingency plan. 

"If she has 3 neurons connected..." -Ret 

" No shirt, no shoes, no chess"  

You guys are funny and helpful.

Maybe a topic for a new forum, but a good point.  What is the difference ?  I play chess & basketball.  Why is it ok, even commonplace, to talk trash in B-ball and not chess ?  I never really thought about it.  It is socially acceptable to insult somone if you physically dominate them, but not if you mentally dominate them.  Our culture is weird. 

This is a tough situation, I know, so here's what I'd do in your shoes (stealing *ahem* echoing other comments as I go)

 - Have a chat with the mother, explaining the situation to her.  Express the ultimatum to her 'the behaviour must improve, or he's no longer welcome.'  In this way, you've established to her that you're not happy with her son's conduct and you're prepared to act upon it, without taking her by surprise.

- Be sure to explain why her son's behaviour is not acceptable.  Ideally, clubs should be positive experiences for all players, regardless of skill level, and the goal of the club is not for members to necessarily rack up wins, but to learn and to nuture the love of the game in a fun and social way for all members.   This kid's behaviour is actively impeding that goal.

 - If possible, have her show up while he's playing and have her witness the behaviour first-hand.

- Back it up.  If the behaviour doesn't improve, then tell him he's not welcome back until he's ready to observe proper conduct.  By all means, leave the door open for him to come back, when and if he understands his behavior is wrong and makes good on his improving.   If you don't back up what you say, you'll lose the respect of the other members and unfortunately, there may not be a club at all.

 I hope it works out for you (and him too).

Doobs,

I think this situation is a little different than just some good-natured back and forth between friends.  It sounds like this guy is, or is about to, lose club members because of this person.  Chess should be fun.  It sounds like this kid is playing people who are less-skilled at the game than him and tearing them down while the game is progressing.  That is what isn't acceptable here.  There are acceptable ways to motivate someone to becoming better at chess (or anything else, for that matter) and these sorts of bullying tactics is the worst way to go about it.  This kid sounds like a pretty good player, and he could be using that ability to mentor beginners and offer constructive comments. 

He reminds me of a lot of people I've seen play chess who irritate their opponents to gain a psychological edge, and it's usually because they're insecure about their abilities more than anything else.

Sounds to me like the root cause of the problem are the parenting skills of the mother.  Obviously teenagers aren't typically the most respectful people in the world, but there is no place for this type of behavior in chess.  Isn't there a way to block out the messages from an annoying player...like placing them on an 'ignore' list, similar to your 'friends' list?

I believe honesty is the best policy.  Someone needs to tell this kid to quit it because nobody appreciates what he's doing.  To avoid the political situation you're in, maybe you can have someone else in the club tell him the truth, and give him an ultimatum to stop the behavior or get kicked out.

Then, hopefully he will stop the behavior.  (Lets face it, he will NEVER stop if someone doesn't tell him the truth.)  And if he continues, then you as the boss have a responsibility to kick him out at the request of others.  That gives you a defense mechanism when the mother asks you why her perfect little boy was kicked out of the club. 

P.S.  You should collect some copies of his trash talking now to show as evidence if/when she approaches you.  Good luck.

His father plays and expressed attending a future meeting.  From the consensus, it sounds like that may be enough. 

At this point I should clarify "trash talking."  He is not dishing out "Yo momma" slams or anything like that.  Just things that are not cool over the board. 

Examples:

Every move of everygame made by his opponent (including first time players) is answered with "As expected."  That is not so bad, but believe me, it gets old quickly.

I organized a simul for him against two of the beginner/intermediate players & myself.  On promoting a pawn, he moved it illegally, diagonally forward as if capturing, but there was no capture.  When the error was pointed out, he argued.  I've never witnessed that kind of obstinate resistance to reality over the chess board before.  I really was dumbfounded that he would even attempt to argue the point.  Eventually when he was convinced of the illegal move, he said "It dosen't matter what square you put my Queen on, I'm gonna' win."

That is the sentiment at the beginning of every game - it dosen't matter, he is going to win.  He is usually right.

I was teaching the club the Caro Kann (one of my favorites) and he wouldn't let a newbie practice the opening - after 1.274 seconds of hesitation, every move, he would move the piece for the newbie.  I tried to explain how the neophyte would not learn unless he gave him a chance to try himself - no change.  I had to distract him with another activity to get space to teach the opening.

There are more examples like each of the above.

He has a lot of enthusiasm.  I don't want to diminish that.  The optimum solution would keep him excited about chess, but in a less irritating way.

Sorry if I misrepresented "trash talking" 

The nature of your club and your position in it are relevant to this discussion. Is there a club constitution? Are there club officials, elected or not? Is there a membership fee? Is there a club fee per appearance (to share expenses)? Are there rated tournaments? Are you the organizer or founder of the club? Are you just the person doing all the work? Is the site a home, a local government property (such as a community center or school), a private religious facility, part of a restaurant or mall, etc.? Does the club pay rent? The answers should relate to what should be done and how to do it. How much support there is for your solution is involved. The problem is worse and the requirement to have a solution is greater during tournaments. Organizing others more than has been done could act to guide the club to agree with what you have decided to do already (rubber stamp your plan). "New" rules could be set with warnings given if not immediate expulsion.

The plot thickens even more....