Are you having a stroke?
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good read, 10/10, my FBI agent approves this use of AI
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It was that time of the day. Those twenty three hours and forty minutes of self-torture were finally over. I was eager to get some excitement, to get relief from the emptiness of life. Since the invention of the "light pill", which was hailed as the final triump of men over nature, we no longer had to waste our precious hours sleeping. I have always praised it as an important advancement, but it had an unwelcomed effect on me: it gave me time to think; and chess.com was my only way to escape from my own mind.
I had only twenty minutes until the clock reached zero and I ran out of the time I had been asigned as a basic member. While I waited for the site to scan and recognize my face to log in, I mentally thanked the site owner, our wise and beloved erik, for his recent decision of giving free members five more minutes to use chess.com, thus raising our time from fifteen minutes to twenty.
Then I went to play my daily bullet chess game. I skillfully flagged my opponent, and then the usual "game daily limit reached" popup appeared. I closed it, and suddenly remembered something I had read in the forums the day before. It was a funny story, an urban legend about a time when there existed something called "blitz chess", which was said to be an old time control that was slower than bullet. Everyone found it really amusing...who could have enjoyed playing so slowly?
These thoughts brought a smile to my face, and I decided to look through the forums. Just as I clicked on the first thread I wanted to read, the site bombarded me with well targetted ads that convinced me to buy an intelligent toaster and to get my virtual dog a new haircut. I made the purchases and came back to the site realizing I had spent all the money in my Googlebank account and I had only ten minutes left to use chess.com.
No money meant I would not be able to get the diamond membership for which I had been longing, and that made me wish the universal basic income was a bit higher. Meanwhile, popup ads kept appearing, using AI to circumvent my useless adblocker, and a melodic voiced started singing "The best chess site" in the background. I somehow managed to close all the ads, and went on to read a thread.
The original poster lauded the great qualities of the automoderators: their speed, efficiency and their close-to-perfect spam detection. "The best chess site, please be helpful and polite"-sang the voice. He not only said automods were far superior to the old human moderators; he went even further and stated that the bots were better developers than the men who coded the third version of the site, the reverred V3. "The best chess site, squares are dark and light". That seemed almost blasphemous, but I had to admit it was true. They had served erik well until the global goverment outlawed human work, and we were thankful for that. "The best chess site, where everything's alright!" However, times had changed and bots had made chess.com greater than they could ever have imagined. So I said to myself: "The best chess site, certainly", and then I realized my daily twenty minutes had expired.