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Chess Limericks
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A wizard atop a high tower
Played chess with a magical flower.
A mystical plant
That he named Grant
It beat him routinely each hour.
Nantucketensis ridebat
Penem longiorem sugebat:
Si auris machina
Aut potens vagina
Libenter ingredi potebat
MORE CHESS LIMERICKS
e4 is quite common for white
It has lead to many a fight
And this writer says
That the Ruy Lopez
Is a very familiar sight
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One mistake, sometimes, can be all
That causes your stronghold to fall
A misstep by your brains
Can leave shattered remains
Of a fortress that stood mighty and tall
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An attack needs orchestration
With care and great concentration
Careful encasement
Without a displacement
Or 'twill be a failed lamentation
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A hung queen is a welcome reception
Usually bad but there's an exception
A smart sac to bring
A poisonous sting
Is a marvelous work of deception
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The queen strolled down the walk
With her bishop so that they could talk
She pushed a papoose
Wrapped in chartreuse
And watched over him just like a hawk
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Your borders you want to expand
But there's something you must understand
Sometimes you're forced back
Because no attack
Can be infallibly planned
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The king sent his pawns out to war
But there was nothing they hated more
The knights boldly beat back
Their half-hearted attack
And sent them crawling away on the floor
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In a game, a man beared his fang
And began his attack with a bang
He berrated his foe
And put on a great show
And forced the man into zugzwang
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A man's attack had a defection
He was a master and its reflection
Gave him a hard blow
He hung his head low
To hide his embarrassed complexion
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At the match, ideas abounded
And how wonderful some of them sounded
But these intrepid souls
Did not see the holes
And when they lost, they were dumbfounded
There's a Knight, a Bishop, and King
Who play chess with a mysterious Queen
They are friends far and dear
And who wish they were near
This mysterious chess playing Queen
There once was a lady from Warsaw
Who had a beautiful torso
She didn't play chess
But as you might guess
Her husband Tom was not worse off
theweaponking thought he was clever
his limericks could go on forever
he got very busy
thinking made him dizzy
he forgot all about his games' timer
Someone should get Tonydal for this!
ASpieboy, I didn't time out from that
School was where I had to be at
The timers decreased
But never increased
As in my school desk I sat.
I like to mate
It sure does feel great
Especially using my queen
Which would be very mean
To my king who is her real date
P.S. Why do they call it checkmate? It shouldn't be right if my queen mates the opponent's king because then that would mean my queen is dating the opponent's king.
My Englisch not too good
But teacher say 'try you should'
So here I valiantly am
To impress ladies if I can
Maybe they get in the mood
Okay Zug, I'll look at your writings.
Your limerick makes it sound inviting.
I do not think your
Column will be poor.
I think I will find it exciting!
theweaponking wrote:
I once played against Kasparov
Tal, Morphy, and Karpov
I have no time portal
Nor am I immortal,
Tis in a dream that I speak of!
this is my fave
The King and his pieces, what joy they do bring
The immortal ones eternally saved in gilding
That after each show
Microphones would bestow
"Elvis has just left the building"
In a room, somewhere in Italy, with a view
I tell a boy, "I miss my son, I'm feeling blue"
He runs home, but soon returns
With half a town, all taking turns
A saying "Hey, a she's a my birthday, too!"
A lady chess player from Carolina,
Could fire chess pieces from her vagina,
They flew out with such force,
She fatally injured a horse,
And shot down a passing airliner.
I just want to mate your mighty King,
Blunder your way this way and that way,
That's mighty fine by me,
It only matters that you blunder more than me,
When it's all over,
We can shake and groove on it,
Oh Oh Oh Oh...
There was a game filled with much tension.
Black was winning I should mention.
However, Sir Don
Gave his e pawn
Entirely too much extension.
A CHESS TOURNAMENT 2
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Round 1
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A man moved his queen to d4
Then his jaw suddenly dropped to the floor
The move had looked keen
But he hadn't seen
The other guy's rook on b4
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This girl pushed her pawn to c6
And put white in a really nice fix
The guy she was playing
Could be seen dismaying
Over the fact that she'd seen through his tricks
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On e5 a knight ruled the board
Put there by a player's accord
But then he had a look
And saw it blocked his rook
Truly the knight was a two-edged sword
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Round 2
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A man made a bold doulbe sac
To form an attack from the back
He received some weird looks
When he sacced both his rooks
But the on-lookers soon saw the attack
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Sorry I didn't finish this before. Got caught up in other limericks and forgot all about it!
The poems here are often sublime
But sadly, not all of the time
Some aren't cohesive
And others have way too many syllables
There are even a few that don't rhyme!