Correspondence ‘freestyle’ chess battle

haha... i see now. but i wasnt rerally upset, just slightly alarmed with the few harsh words. (i didnt really know what was a freestyle battle) thx

So Sorry Illigan, I didn’t mean to offend

But I’ve heard worse on the radio, my friend

You can't have a war if you’re not going to fight.

And you can’t win this battle if you goal’s to be polite

If one plays a chess game with utter passivity,

I’d call them a name. Go find another activity.

 My words have a sting; my chess is the tits,

My chess poems nerds sing, while popping their zits.

I deliver my moves, by wireless broadband.

My rooks slide in grooves, reclaiming their land.

You’ll find my French defense hard to translate,

With a pawn on the seventh, I’ll deliver your fate

Or perhaps lay and wait, and take the under promotion

My control of the board is wider then the Pacific ocean.

My bishops are great, fianchettoed to perfection

In a state of zugzwang, you lose your erection

Your confidence is next, but don’t lose your cool,

There’s always hope, don’t smoke dope, And stay in chess school.

Computers as a poetic aid,

Are a long way off, I'm afraid,

Before A.I can become your maid,

Human submissions will noticeably fade.

I see the participants have jumped up a notch,

So my precision in composition - I must watch.

A freestyle fight,

We can play all night,

Aggression's alright,

To show your might.

Oh what a sight,

We bark but don't bite,

Trying to reach the top height.

Chess.com is just simply the best,

In freestyle our members can crush the rest,

If you don't believe me - put us to the test

It will be a rapping and rhyming fest

Non-members we ignore, as being a pest.

Chess players are strongest, the rest we will kill,

Our natural stimulant - a high spawned by skill,

With this aggressive outlet we get our fill,

The less fortunate must climb a difficult hill,

Or embrace a high, manifested by a pill.

Inpure as this is - they will do it still.

So all of you that are a part of our thing,

Show your voice! - I know you can sing,

You must contribute if you want to be king,

And forever we will have our freestyle ring.

Verbal "abuse" it was not

Angry? -yes that you've got,

Inapproiate? Yes it was definitely,

So it was gone before anyone could see,

Don't underestimate the irrational possibilities from me,

Not unleashing it - that is the key.

An Ode to Computer Cheats

As long as there is chess, there will be cheaters

Using computers to make up for their tiny peters

I’m the big shark here, you’re a bottom feeder

My chess board is mahogany, yours is  simple cedar

I’m a natural born leader, you’s a monthly bleeder

A chess champ with a program and a coke, two liters --

I’d like to push off a building taller then 50 meters 

The way I play, I should get paid

You wear your hair in braids and need to get laid

You make every move that Fritz just made

And I still finish you off like summertime lemonade

But in the end you’re the fool, the one getting played

Your cheating is as obvious as your blitz moves are delayed

You are the coch-a-roach, I’m the flyswatter and the Raid

Like Bob Barkers pets, you should get yourself spayed 

Use a program to play and you aren’t playing me at all

You’ll never learn that way; your rating’s destined to fall

Perhaps there’s a hot line that you can call for self-esteem

You and a psychiatrist would make for the perfect team (props, Clever)

sory quix

I mean western burn...

if this is about who can hurl the most insults, i think western burn will definitely win. if its about just rhyming politely and elegantly, i support quintoxical. (though hes getting quite aggresive) .

i cant help but wonder two things:

- do western burn and the girl (i forgot her name) know each other? both are from the same country, so maybe theyre friends and just fooling around here.

- is quintoxical a male or female?

I'm so glad you asked this. I was beginning to wonder if people suspected that it was one person with two accounts, freestlyebattling himeslf. I'll let marginally field this question in verse.

illigan

Thanks for the compliment but I can be nasty too,

After all, isn't that what we're supposed to do?

If you don't believe me - here let me prove it to you.

King_William is spoiling for a scrap evidently,

A sucker for punishment this boy must be,

Over ambitious a bit - poetically,

He can't even tell if I'm a man or a she

Needs to tighten up some, to do battle with me.

King_William -  

A pairing with me you didn't earn,

But anyway - I'll give you a turn,

For now I'm done with western_burn

The game's not over -we just adjourn

As an opponent he is pretty stern,

And by fighting him I was able to learn.

You're the most disorganised poet I've ever met,

But nevermind, don't you fret;

I like you so I will let,

You be my sidekick - a trusty pet.

Don't reject my offer - its the best you'll get.

If we are to stand toe to toe,

I warn you now -this you should know,

Your poems are scrappy, your brain is slow,

Your lyrics don't even begin to flow,

And when this is over - you'll be six bellow.

This topic is full of a bunch of slackers,

except for me, you all are hackers,

don't be worried about Quix's gender,

Quix can't be worthy, return her to sender,

and Western burn? seems he went MIA,

afraid to freestyle the burn faded away,

you posers are tired and tryin' to rhyme,

study your chess, that's a better use of your time, 

Quix, you're up late and makin' me weep,

Cuz word on the street is you need beauty sleep, 

I'm afraid that the makeup you bought yesterday,

Won't be near enough, cuz McDonald's don't pay,

And your shoes and your shirts and your dirty blue jeans,

All that gear comes from the Salvation Army,

You need a sidekick, a trusty little pet,

The lice in your hair: that's the best that you'll get,

I know I just ripped off your tightest line,

But, hey, it's a freestyle, Quix, why waste my time,

I don't know you from Adam, or even from Eve,

But I know your type and you gotta have a weave,

No, I don't mean it that way, I'm not that type,

My rhymin' demands it, commands it, it's tight,

It would be great to have a courteous freestyle,

But what fun would that be? We'd rather spit vile,

I've recorded music and rap for 8 years,

In my studio on Pro Tools I make jealous ears,

Line In Recording is the name I work from,

Online at Line In Recording Studio dot com, 

So I guess it's not fair I freestyle up in here,

I guess these amateurs got reason to fear,

I guess that Quix will probably strike back,

I guess I better be ready for the attack,

Nah, that's okay, ain't nothin' to it,

My typin and stylin' - that'll undo it,

If we were to stand up toe to toe,

Like you said when you were tryin' to flow,

You most likely would keep on rhymin' with slow,

And pick all the words that rhyme with go,

Like mo, and no, and low, and bow,

See, I can thesauricize too, I made that word up, you know, 

Now I'll back down, and give you some props,

Your rhymin' is maxin' and I like it a lot,

But be sure you can handle every word that you see,

On the future stylin' posts of Mr. Stacy B.

(Disclaimer: my freestyling is not meant to offend anyone: only amuse. )

I believe the three are ONE,

Pretending to be from different nations...

But actually enjoying a menage a' trois

of linguistic masturbations....

my dear mr thear,

i strongly doubt your opinion, as:

- no one can have so much free time

- if they did, they wont do something as senseless as this

- all their styles are very visibly different (though i must say stacy and quix are quite alike)

as for burn, i never thought of that, being u and the other poets are the same person. i have always seen everything in a much more positive light, and i still have no doubt that u are all different. i really hope im not wrong here.

i havent seen  marginally clever girl for a long time- i wonder why?

Male or female; who really gives a fu(&?

Either way, King William’s rhymes suck.

Perhaps he should acquaint himself with a dictionary.

When it comes to making tight rhymes, he is contrary.

Yet, Websters is only useful in so far as one can read it.

It is best to understand a word, before you repeat it. 

Now, back to this mysterious gender quagmire…

I’d like to say, I’m a dude, but I’d be a liar.

Sure, I “bleed monthly”, and I rock a “weave”.

But it shouldn’t really matter; that’s what I believe.

There is no need to put down the ladies in this forum.

Perhaps you’re all frustrated because you can’t score ‘em.

In terms of Western-burn, he may very well be a male.

Perhaps he’s a beast; either way, he has a tail.

Stacy, your gender is also ambiguously androgynous.

But, I won’t think about that; it’s not worth the fuss.

I’m trying my best to maintain my diplomacy.

But chess nerds won’t stop private messaging me…

King William - you actually call that freestyle?

It'll be a while at least 'till you can "spit the vile."

In "elegance" you are off by a mile,

Your words are dead wood on my kindling pile.

Your insults are reaching,

It's garbage you're preaching,

Previous lines you are leaching,

You're a sick whale that's beaching.

Haven't you heard of harmony?

Don't you know that to edit is free?

Didn't you read my line "to be gentlemanly"

If you had a brain you'd know I'm a he.

Gender preoccupation isn't cool,

You're behaving like a desperate tool,

To swim with us you can't be a fool,

You really belong in the kiddies' pool.

To those who think that there are dupes in this thread,

Isn't it about time you used your head?

There's an ignorance to what you said,

Because this map here puts your theory to bed.

So think before you spout such crap,

This is our area for sharing rap,

You only had to look at the map,

And you wouldn't have proven that you are a sap.

Stacy Bearden actually does this for a crust,

But his supremacy bubble I will bust,

Getting paid for something doesn't make you 'just',

Unintimidated I am - this you can trust.

Maybe I'll open business; for a future that's sunny,

If he's my opposition - that's pretty funny,

I'll quickly gain ascendancy and in'll come the money,

A magnificent house and a playboy bunny.

________________________________________

I love this thread, Western burn is a freak,

To come up with the idea, shows a brilliant streak,

A place to rhyme for the strong and the weak,

As freestylers - what more could we seek?

With Marginal, I’d trade STDs like they was hockey cards,

Keeper her happier then a bus bound for chucky cheese - full of retards.

‘The ‘R’ Word – how dare you,’ exclaims the marginally clever girl,

For who winning at chess is as common as an oyster with a pearl. 

And for Quixotical, I’d like to make amends.

If it weren’t for the distance, we’d be best friends.

If Stacy B is asked, He’ll put one to shame,

Not an easy task, when you have a girl’s name. 

King William rocked a beat, cheers to bilingualism.

But I’d split his pirc defense like light through a prism.