how you gonna pay for a membership on chess bro. Go outside please and take a shower maybe? bro just wire me the money il give u a chess board
I'm too stupid to turn on a faucet or even know how to leave my house. Maybe you can have a maid sent to my house to give me showers and help me go outside. After that I'll wire you the money for a chess board.
nah im just kidding ur a pro at chess dont worry
Don’t worry about losing, just lose until you get to your proper rating, and then you will have fair games.
Hi! My name is Lauren Goodkind and I'm a chess coach based in California.
I have suggestions for you to get better.
First of all, I would analyze the games that you lost. What mistakes did you do? Analyzing your losses is a great way to get better.
Second of all, if you haven't done already, play with a slow time control, such as game in 30 minutes. You need time to think before each move.
Third of all: I offer a free beginner's ebook on my website on how to win chess games: www.ChessByLauren.com. Basically, I tell beginners to ask questions before each move, such as "If I move here, is it safe?" and more.
Fourth of all: If you are very serious about chess, I would recommend hiring a chess coach to help you get better.
I hope that this helps.
Also, learn basic tactics too.
If you don't really have any interest in trying to improve, you know where the exit is.
Nope, I'm a moron, remember...you need to point me to the exit. Probably give me a guide and a handkerchief because I'll be drooling all over myself on the way out.
While we're at it, I was dumb enough to buy a membership, and I've had it for a few months so I doubt I'll get refunded. I'm too stupid to cut my losses and think "getting my money's worth" is a smart decision.
So just show me the exit and give me whatever I paid for the membership, then I'm gone.
Nice response 😊
The doctor in the house only said that because we see too many complain without putting in the work and expecting immediate result.
Perhaps if you redirected the energy and creativity that went into your response into chess... Who knows? It's your journey.
I've seen so many of these kinds of threads that I tend to see them as little more than an attempt to garner attention and have everyone circle around offering assistance and sympathy. Maybe I've been around these forums too long, I've become jaded.
Is that where you leave a dead mouse lying on the board?
What's a lobotomy?
"The master has lost more games than the beginner has played"
Enjoy the process! I've lost every single I played in the beginning just 3 years ago when I started to play more seriously!
What's a lobotomy?
A dictionary or a search engine will give you the answer.
It took me 6 months to get to 500 and Ive spat my dummy out loads of times everyone improves at different rates I think.
If you are getting beaten as early as the 10th move, your opening might need work. The Giuoco Piano is probably the easiest to manage.
Your awareness of reaching a point where you are stuck finding a good move suggests that you have the capacity to become a good chess player. If stuck, look for opportunities to exchange pieces, if just to gain some positional advantage.
Before deciding on a move, 1) mentally play each piece of your opponent that can facilitate identification of a hanging piece then 2) mentally move each of your pieces to EVERY square possible. Along the way, keep a look out for opportunities to pin, fork, launch a discovered attack, etc., and 3) then analyze the candidate move as deeply as you can (repeating this process sharpens calculation). Thus you will find a good move that seemed otherwise unavailable.
Many can play well, but few can teach. Almost all of the tutorials I have seen focus on 'what' to do. You need to learn the 'how and why' to strengthen your game.
Hope this helps.
''Same as lobotomized'' It's not even a mindset I think
I play in the web browser, not the app. How can I delete the Internet?
Don't be so hard on yourself. 
fix your mindset! Mindsets are important in chess!
I agree with this actually. From your comments, seems like you're fixated with the belief that you're too "stupid" to play the game, regardless of all the suggestions given to improve. Everyone has a different pace where they improve. Be confident. Study. Learn slowly and you WILL improve. Be determined and you'll get there. Also, my advice is play less games (but analyse them thoroughly after. I usually play only 1 or 2 games a day, usually at night after work. It helps prevent any sort of tilt and if I have extra time after my games, I use it to study, do puzzles, or go through endgame drills. Just like anything in life, if you're determined you'll get there. For example, my goal is to achieve the CM title within 10 years. Now, if i compared myself with better players, I could say that I'm kinda dumb to require 10 years to achieve 2200 FIDE. But keep convincing yourself that you "suck' or are "too dumb" for this game...then there's nothing anyone can do or say to help you.
how you gonna pay for a membership on chess bro. Go outside please and take a shower maybe? bro just wire me the money il give u a chess board