The step-pyramid. It cannot move, capture or be captured, and other pieces of either colour are not obstructed by it and can even stand on top of the step-pyramid as if the square were empty. Each side has one step-pyramid at the start of the game in addition to their normal allowance, and secretly records which square it occupies. Note that it is legal for both step-pyramids to occupy the same square.
---And damn me if someone else hasn't had the same idea already, more or less. Gah.
Awesome piece, the step pyramid. I want one!
The rook.
The Environmentalist.
Each player has two that replace the knights.
Moves like a knight.
Every time it moves, place a marker on the square it came from. That square is now declared a conservation and no pieces can move to or through that square.
If a king is ever fully surrounded by conservation, he is declared a bigot and his principles are mocked as backwards. That king dies a media death and automatically loses.
The twerky (aka The Miley).
Can be used in the game for psychological warfare or distraction; resembles a queen with an abnormally rotund posterior, can only be employed into the game if there is obnoxiously loud hip-hop or dance music playing near the chessboard; the twerky (the Miley) may be placed on any square next to the opponent’s king whether formerly occupied or not; during your turn you have the choice to allow it to gyrate its buttocks up, down, sideways, diagonally, backwards, forwards, even inside-out, until your opponent has taken his turn. The opponent may not castle to try to escape from the twerky, nor shield his eyes from it without losing a turn, and cannot succeed in capturing the twerky nor the attention of the twerky until the music is turned off.
The oddjob.
An odd chess piece of Korean origin; each player may normally use his oddjob once in a game; the oddjob which is placed right next to the goldfinger (aka king) wears a bowler’s hat with a chakram inserted into it; the player upon using the oddjob, will remove the bowler’s hat whilst spinning it madly on his/her index finger until it gathers up speed and inertia, then thrown at the opponent’s king at just the right moment; a direct hit, which will decapitate the king, will result in a victory; knocking over the king with an indirect hit will yield an extra turn and a hijacking of one of your opponent’s pieces. A player will be automatically forfeited if his oddjob's bowler's hat should pierce into any part of the anatomy of the opponent himself/herself.
The chemtrailer.
Not a piece to be used sparingly, but on just about every turn, this drone piece zigzags seven squares at a time hovering above the chessboard while dumping an aerosol of aluminum and barium salts, thorium, silicon carbide, and polymer fibers onto your opponent’s and your own chess pieces before making a u-turn and heading across the next file (or rank); upon exposure, your opponent may as well resign the game, but if he does not, you may as well, too. Your opponent may try to capture the chemtrailer, though use of military force is not recommended.
Thorium? Barium salts? Yummy! (WHO SAID THAT?)
The block of wood:
the piece cannot be moved and cannot be captured. There are 64 such pieces, one for every square of the board.
OP"s gone.
The Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian piece.
Just wondering whether the Kim Kardashian piece has a large base/bottom and occupies more than one square ?
The Cardinal, useless and lethal at the same time. Sometimes it doesn't move at all because is a prominent member of the court and likes to stay alongside the King. Sometimes it follows his own agenda moving like the bishop past the boundaries of the chessboard and waging war on other fronts (games that you are not actually playing). Isn't that funny?
The ghost- sits in the middle of the board and cant move.
The defeatist, replaces queen and continualy knocks over the king until it has fallen over and the king resigns.
A tiny black hole that does nothing but suck in chess pieces.
the Freddie mercury.every time you move your queen it sings a queen song.
The death reflect piece.
Each time you look at it you see the reflection of a loved one who died or someone in your family who has passed away screaming in fear and pain calling your name begging you, "Please make it stop!"