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Every time I open this site my stomach drops out. It sucks being here, thinking of everything in terms of, can I save my family some money if I go in and conquer? All I have to do is play about fifty games a day. That's not so bad. Only fifty. Etc etc.
It actually occurred to me today that the two time controls I'm terrible at -- blitz and bullet -- are the two I should play, since there's no way I wouldn't improve if I'm sitting at 300 and 200, respectively. So I'm grinding at games I hate. Even a diamond membership would take a significant micropayment out of every month's budget. And should I play 30m -- which is my natural speed -- when I'm rated 700 and getting 15 points a win, or should I play 5m -- which stresses me out -- when I'm rated as badly as a sandbagger, and getting something like 9 points a game. (Never sandbagged. It's just too hard to calculate that fast.)
It's like I have to accept a permanent tilt and figure out how to push past that. I do get that they can drive engagement a la Duolingo but with the addition of cash incentives. It sounds fantastic. I get that maybe they rolled this out when they did to make a silent point about the Agadmator tournament. (Maybe.) But I can't not be in this thing, as that would seem self-destructive. And winning feels like an obligation.