You should help yourself instead of asking for help online. If you have a mental issue, deal with it. No will will be able to help you if you can't help yourself. Stay safe out there.
Mental Health Break
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VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
You should help yourself instead of asking for help online. If you have a mental issue, deal with it. No will will be able to help you if you can't help yourself. Stay safe out there.
@VerifiedChessYarshe
I didn't ask for help from anyone. I made a post intending my friends would see it and maybe it would reach others dealing with the same issues. Being able to relate to others helps immensely sometimes. But no where here did I ask for help with my mental issues. I'm already in the process of beginning therapy.
Thanks for your input, bud. Best vibes. 🙏
#33 If you lose a chess game then you lose, of course, because you aren't stockfish. But blaming the game for making him mentally unstable is not ok. Posting this forum for having on a tilt is already lame. Instead of actually do something to prevent further tilt you rather post something to express your feelings. But ok maybe the game was too frustrating for him so it may be okay, so I told him to feel better and actually do something for himself with "stay safe out there". If you have common sense then please know that the only way mental illness can be cured is if he does something, that's what I said. Please tell me which way is the best to tell someone going through a rough time.
The 2 people who downvoted my previous post are the people who are hurt by the truth. Truth hurts but what else?
HyperbolicRevenge wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
The 2 people who downvoted my previous post are the people who are hurt by the truth. Truth hurts but what else?
How are you sure about that though?
What else could it logically be? Trolling?
Sporegasm wrote:
#39....reading comprehension clearly isnt your strong suit. I'm not gonna argue with someone being ignorant and obtuse. No one blamed the game either. Go back to your tik tok shorts. I'm done here
People these days are just using this tactic to avoid being debunked. I wish you the best of the bests.
HyperbolicRevenge wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
HyperbolicRevenge wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
The 2 people who downvoted my previous post are the people who are hurt by the truth. Truth hurts but what else?
How are you sure about that though?
What else could it logically be? Trolling?
Maybe they just think your comment doesn't make since, like @Sporegasm does.
If you go through something you just need to do something about it, its really simple. However @Sporegasm seemed to not understand and just here to deflect my points. If your mom or parents pass away, it's sad. But does your sadness bring back the dead?
To sum this up mental illness is an easy problem for you, so get through it. Tilting in chess may be frustrating, get through it and get better and not tilt again. Tilting is an experience for everybody and if everyone is able to adapt to it, so could you.
Bye this forum forever.
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
To sum this up mental illness is an easy problem for you, so get through it. Tilting in chess may be frustrating, get through it and get better and not tilt again. Tilting is an experience for everybody and if everyone is able to adapt to it, so could you.
Mental illness is an easy problem? Yeah I think that's about all I need to hear in so far as the validity of your comments is concerned. For some of us it's a lifelong struggle as a result of circumstances beyond our control. If you've never had to struggle with mental health before then that's great and I'm truly happy for you in that regard. This forum is probably not for you anyway. I didn't create this forum for validation, sympathy, or anything like that. Unless you've had to walk in another man's shoes, don't assume anything about the circumstances of his journey and where it's led him.
BigFoxy90 wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
To sum this up mental illness is an easy problem for you, so get through it. Tilting in chess may be frustrating, get through it and get better and not tilt again. Tilting is an experience for everybody and if everyone is able to adapt to it, so could you.
Mental illness is an easy problem? Yeah I think that's about all I need to hear in so far as the validity of your comments is concerned. For some of us it's a lifelong struggle as a result of circumstances beyond our control. If you've never had to struggle with mental health before then that's great and I'm truly happy for you in that regard. This forum is probably not for you anyway. I didn't create this forum for validation, sympathy, or anything like that. Unless you've had to walk in another man's shoes, don't assume anything about the circumstances of his journey and where it's led him.
Tell me how to solve mental illness? Mr bigfoxy
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
BigFoxy90 wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
To sum this up mental illness is an easy problem for you, so get through it. Tilting in chess may be frustrating, get through it and get better and not tilt again. Tilting is an experience for everybody and if everyone is able to adapt to it, so could you.
Mental illness is an easy problem? Yeah I think that's about all I need to hear in so far as the validity of your comments is concerned. For some of us it's a lifelong struggle as a result of circumstances beyond our control. If you've never had to struggle with mental health before then that's great and I'm truly happy for you in that regard. This forum is probably not for you anyway. I didn't create this forum for validation, sympathy, or anything like that. Unless you've had to walk in another man's shoes, don't assume anything about the circumstances of his journey and where it's led him.
Tell me how to solve mental illness?
😂😂😂 Dude ... In some cases it cannot be solved. For some people it is a lifelong struggle. Some people can combat it with medication, others combat it with therapy. But even the combination of these two things does not work for everyone. For some it is an issue that can be controlled, for others, like myself, it is a little more complex. But to think that mental health can be solved for everyone is simply naive. I am taking the steps that I need to start working towards improving my mental health. But I have been battling with it since I was 12 years old. I'm 34 now. Trust me, if there was a way to "solve" it I would have been first in line.
Sporegasm wrote:
ChessMasteryOfficial wrote:
Identify what specifically about chess triggers your negative feelings. Is it losing, the pressure to perform or something else? Understanding this can help you address it."
Not necessarily. Understanding the why doesn't make the unreasonable suddenly reasonable. I find that many people simply cant understand the anguish some of us go through when we fail to grow and improve as a chess player. And before someone says it...no...it is not the same for everyone. Because we are all not wired and built the same. We all don't have the same strengths and weaknesses and we all don't have the same thoughts, emotions and struggles.
There is nothing anyone can say that can actually help. Not me anyway. You can't logic and reason your way out of the unreasonable. Of course, this goes much deeper than chess. I've experienced this in every skill based hobby I've tackled over the last 3 decades. The first couple years are always the best. Normal, up and down, but fairly consistent, growth and improvement. Then the grind begins. The next 5 years get real hard. And it gets worse from there. I get more stubborn as I regress...feeling I have to put even more into it...and I have to try every new approach and resource or else I'm a quitter. All the extra effort and time makes the weight of not succeeding even heavier. Surely, if you just put the time and effort in, you will see some progress right?! No. Not with me anyway. But that's what we are taught as children..."you can have anything you want if you dream it and if you just put that time and effort in". I can tell you...in my experience, that is lie. I've spilled tears, sweat and blood over chess for a decade...and I'm still trash. Lol
I've had the same battle with rocket league over the last 6 years.
I had the same battle with crossfit
I have the same battle with my guitar and music.
No advice on the planet is going to make me feel better and certainly isn't going to make me get better. I'm hopeless.
And for me...that's the core feeling that wrecks me. For all my time and effort...to hit a brick wall perpetually forever...makes me feel so less then. So hopeless. So pathetic. And the more effort I pour in...the more the small crappy moments carry more and more weight and significance.
Is any of this reasonable? Logically, hell no. Its definitely a me problem. Not a chess problem. But maybe that makes sense then why I'm so hard on myself and blame myself and am cruel to myself.
But when someone has spent enough time in that headspace, it is only a matter of time before they begin lashing out at those around them. :/
I don't mean to hijack this thread. Just giving my 2cents and hopefully it helps the OP realize...there are others with some big time struggles that may be similar.
I found it important to recognize the triggers and when you are going to far. Breaks are necessary for personalities like me. For me, specific to chess...one of my biggest triggers is when I'm dominating a game...because of my sharp play and not opponent mistakes. Like...I am playing with 98% accuracy against an opponent with 97% accuracy and I whittle them down to a point where I'm at a +4 advantage....only to blatantly donate my rook to his lonely king...
That kind of game donation mistake...after earning such a hard fought and well played game...I'm feeling my blood boil and my self hatred rage just thinking about it. That has got to be the worst trigger for me
...and I do that almost every day
....years of that, can really hurt a person's soul.
/vent lol
Sorry dont know why it's doing the quote thing and cant fix it
A few things I’d like to share:
a) I agree that the first years/months when you start an activity are probably the best as it is mainly uphill. Also, this is the time you “fall in love” with the new activity and learning from scratch (rather than learning “an improvement to the Sicilian Najdorf on move 15”) is a lot more stimulating.
You pointed out a very common scenario, getting stuck at a level, maybe even forever.
This is absolutely NORMAL.
You probably heard about the 10000 hours rule, which is the time that it takes to achieve mastery, if the “conditions” are provided. “Conditions” is a whole separate topic but this might include genetics, parental support, motivation and money.
But there’s the 100 hour rule, which basically says that most (and maybe all) of your progress happens in the first 100 hours of learning and practicing an activity.
b) I think that the main problem here is that you see the time invested in chess as wasted whenever you have a bad game.
I see myself related here. Whenever we lose a game “stupidly” we wonder why we’re wasting so much time for that. We live in a society that values time a lot.
But if you (or me lol) enjoys studying and learning new things, regardless of losing a game stupidly, then this time will not be wasted.
Actually, one of my best moments with chess was just reading books as a teenager, not even playing.
Also, your rating might go down and/or you can lose stupid games but your understanding of the game can be a lot better. For instance, you might learn (and master) new rook endings but that does not translate into an improvement when playing.
In this regard, I absolutely see chess as a “sport” where your form is not necessarily related to your knowledge.
Ideally learning should be enjoyed just for the sake of it, not to compete and achieve results, unless those results report you something valuable (like paying the bills), which in this case I believe it does not.
VerifiedChessYarshe a écrit :
The 2 people who downvoted my previous post are the people who are hurt by the truth. Truth hurts but what else?
Without taking side in your argument, I just want to point out, that if lies did not hurt, that would be a known thing. "Truth hurts" is simply ridiculous a statement. Some lies flatter, others hurt, some truths liberate, others can be sure hurtfull, but so, if it hurts or not, doesn't actually depend upon wether it's truth or untruth.
BigFoxy90 wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
BigFoxy90 wrote:
VerifiedChessYarshe wrote:
To sum this up mental illness is an easy problem for you, so get through it. Tilting in chess may be frustrating, get through it and get better and not tilt again. Tilting is an experience for everybody and if everyone is able to adapt to it, so could you.
Mental illness is an easy problem? Yeah I think that's about all I need to hear in so far as the validity of your comments is concerned. For some of us it's a lifelong struggle as a result of circumstances beyond our control. If you've never had to struggle with mental health before then that's great and I'm truly happy for you in that regard. This forum is probably not for you anyway. I didn't create this forum for validation, sympathy, or anything like that. Unless you've had to walk in another man's shoes, don't assume anything about the circumstances of his journey and where it's led him.
Tell me how to solve mental illness?
😂😂😂 Dude ... In some cases it cannot be solved. For some people it is a lifelong struggle. Some people can combat it with medication, others combat it with therapy. But even the combination of these two things does not work for everyone. For some it is an issue that can be controlled, for others, like myself, it is a little more complex. But to think that mental health can be solved for everyone is simply naive. I am taking the steps that I need to start working towards improving my mental health. But I have been battling with it since I was 12 years old. I'm 34 now. Trust me, if there was a way to "solve" it I would have been first in line.
I lack the belief to absolutely say that the ancestors had some sort of "mental illness" to bring the world to the current state you are living right now. Believe me, the disease "mental illness" you have been fighting for about 22 years didn't even exist when our ancestors lost something like their loved ones to a mushroom or something that struck fear in their minds. And even if there are people who have this "disease" that you've been praising, the cure for it is so simple. The disease often strikes fear in someone's mind in it stays trapped forever. So how about releasing that mindset and finally stopping this "incurable disease" that you have been fighting since you were 12?
HyperbolicRevenge wrote:
Sometimes, the thing is... You just can't. You just can't "release that mindset" and "stop this incurable disease". Believe me, I understand.
Until the people who suffer from this "disease" finally use the existing cure which is cheap and effective, humans will turn from killing mosquitoes to killing thoughts by improving technologies. It is so useless to even develop a cure for a disease that has already a cure.
Sporegasm wrote:
Panda:
Good post. I agree with what you are saying.
"Ideally learning should be enjoyed just for the sake of it"
Yes but it isn't so black and white for some. How do gauge your learning? What if everything and all signs and metrics prove that you aren't learning? Especially over a long haul of many, many years. 10,000 hours does not guarantee mastery. For some, it means 100 hours of improvement and 9,900 hours of hitting the same wall, no matter what different approach you use and feeling awful the majority of the time. 99.9% of people don't have the strength(stuborness) to hit a wall for 9,900 hours and hating themselves the majority of the time. So they quit. This is where a unique perfect storm exists, for myself anyway. I'm cursed to literally keep going until it kills me lol.
I spoke of how it feels that all metrics and signs point to failure. But logically, that probably is not what is *actually* happening and what an outside observer sees is likely a much different story. My wife sees me in the 99% isle. I see myself as trash. But no matter what she sees...or no matter what people may try to say for encouragement, I FEEL there are no signs of growth and improvement
Clearly, it's a me problem, like I acknowledged earlier. I'd love to feel good about my chess journey and playing a game. But I rarely do these days. I'm trying to make a practice of celebrating my wins and successes, but it's like trying to exercise. It takes a lot of effort to give myself some kindness and to celebrate a win. I have started making youtube videos of my good games to try and counteract my self negativity
a) I would make a distinction between gauging learning and performing.
Let’s imagine that you want to learn about the most random thing that comes to my mind: Persian literature in the Middle Ages.
If you know nothing about it and you read a book about it (let’s say in 20 hours), after finishing the book you will have learned A LOT if you compare it to the initial stage.
Now, let’s imagine that after reading that book you compete at an international tournament against lifetime literature learners (and obsessed as us chess players). You end up in the last place of that competition by a wide margin.
Does that mean that you learned nothing about Persian literature in the Middle Ages?
Performance is not the best way to measure knowledge.
I’ve seen so titled players who seem to know very little, yet they find resources to win or save bad positions. And I’ve also seen some non-titled players who know A LOT about chess.
By the way, the way you played the ending in the video that you shared shows very good endgame understanding at certain points, yet the result is not related to that.
b) ”For some, it means 100 hours of improvement and 9,900 hours of hitting the same wall, no matter what different approach you use and feeling awful the majority of the time.”
Absolutely agree. I’d even go as far as saying that this is the case for most, it is not a bad thing, just a natural distribution.
Sporegasm wrote:
I like your thoughts and response. going to chew on that for awhile (just waking up for a 3rd nightshift in a row). Very thoughtful and makes sense to me. I see where you are coming from. I will reflect and respond
@ppandachess @Sporegasm
There's been a LOT of amazing input on this forum. A lot to read, re-read, digest, and ponder.
I'm grateful for the amazing folks who have responded here. I'm going to take everything here to heart and hopefully in the next week or so, I'll be feeling back to my old self again. But I know I have a lot of work to do.
Once I get my YouTube channel up and running, I'll be sure to let y'all know.
Over the last few days I've come to recognize and accept the death of my ego as far as chess goes. I've underestimated the depth of this game and the hard work necessary to reach that depth. My approach and motivation will change as necessary and I will not hold myself back once I start.
I'm supposed to start therapy in the coming days and hopefully the work I put in there will bring me back to a place where I'm enjoying the game, regardless of the results. I'll keep my goals in mind, but no longer will I obsess over them. Time for a change. Back to basics.
Thanks again, everyone! You're all amazing people. Best vibes to you all, always! 🙏🙏🙏
Thanks to you for starting this discussion.
It helped create this very nice atmosphere where we support each other. Without you, none of this would have been possible. I would have probably never had your courage in your situation. This also speaks well about your ego, as you probably had to leave some of it aside to open up like this.
To all the others who provided constructive feedback, thanks a lot as well.
PS 1: I’d love to see your YouTube channel
PS 2: if this discussion keeps on growing, shall we make a book out of it? lol
Identify what specifically about chess triggers your negative feelings. Is it losing, the pressure to perform or something else? Understanding this can help you address it.