Considering Giving Up On Chess

I'm 11 years old, and I've been playing chess since age 8. I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression in September. In some rare cases, depression can cause one to lose the ability to visualize. This runs in my family. The phenomenon of not being able to visualize is called aphantasia. I've been doing some research on aphantasia cures and I've been trying for months, yet nothing is working. I've also been doing some research on visualization in chess and I came across this excerpt from an article by GM Simon Williams. 

I'm currently 904 USCF, and I don't know if I'm capable of progression. A lot of other sources say that visualization is crucial in chess. Can I progress? If so, how?

how to progress without visualization? 

Why not play and study if you enjoy it, and whatever happens - happens? 

I don't know enough about aphantasia or about you to give you a concrete answer. Hopefully your depression will get better. 

What I can say is that some people are able to overcome their problems. For instance this guy is blind:



He is a grandmaster by the way. 

So if you enjoy chess and have some time for it, play, study, do what you like, and prosper... If not for anything else, it might make you happier. Good luck.

I have a close friend who suffers from clinical depression, and another close friend who suffers from aphantasia.

The one who suffers from depression finds it difficult to stay motivated. It really took away his passion for a lot of things and his ability to even do simple things like getting out of bed. Having said that, he's been seeing a psychiatrist and getting some strong anti-depressants, and he's been able to hold down a job and live a decent life. It was absolutely essential that he got medication and professional help to function at life. Depression isn't something that you can just ignore.

The one who suffers from aphantasia is the most intelligent guy I know. He got a scholarship to study law for free at one of the best universities in my country, and he's always been great even at subjects like geometry, which you'd think would require visualisation. He solves problems using logic (eg. The knight is on e2, so it can move to either c1, c3, d4, f4, g3 or g1). He doesn't need to visualise the future position to apply a set of logical facts to the position and understand it. Plus, you can draw arrows online and highlight squares, so you can solve pretty complex tactical problems without looking away from the board.

So treating your clinical depression is way more of a priority than worrying about aphantasia. You will simply lose the passion for chess if you don't treat your depression. And losing your passion for the game is the thing that will kill your success more than anything.

You don't need to treat or cure your aphantasia. You can live a perfectly good life with it, and you can succeed at chess with it, too.

So please, continue making regular appointments with your psychiatrist and get the right medication. Also consider seeing a psychologist and asking for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. With a mix of medication, psychotherapy, a healthy diet, regular exercise and proper sleep, you can overcome your depression.

Don't give up chess. You're very good for your age and there's no reason why you should quit this hobby.

Christ, I'm 63 and never been able to visualize. didn't even know it was a thing. I'm just now seriously playing chess, though I've been playing since 5 or 6...

I'm getting treatment for my depression. I'm doing talk therapy and antidepressants

Hope you get better 🙏

thx for the support, hopefully i can treat my depression and find ways to progress

Young people are not supposed to take antidepressants. 

My psychiatrist said it was ok

Really glad to hear you’re getting medical help for depression. It’s a serious illness so good to tackle it now.

You can play chess for fun and try not to put yourself under pressure. Take a break when you need to or when the illness stops you enjoying it.

Maybe join a club if there’s one near you and age appropriate. It’s good for your mental health to have like-minded friends and you’ll learn from them and improve your game.

I’m coming back to chess after a 40 year gap. So there’s hopefully time for you to develop your skills if you enjoy it. Be well!

Be very careful and talk with your parents, a lot. Tell them everything you feel, good and not so good. I wish the very best. Be brave and courageous. You can do this. Chess is only game, you can continue, quit, or perhaps modify your regimen. 

If you enjoy it, play it.  If you don't, then don't.  BTW, you are not alone in depression.  It runs in our family also and I am also afflicted.  In your black and dark periods, always remember those who you love and those who love you.   Never, ever forget that harming yourself, will inflict unbearable pain on those who love you so much more than you can even imagine they do.  Do not be afraid to share your negative thoughts with those who love you and do not isolate yourself when you are in severe black state.  This is the most important time to lean on the folks who love you.  If they do not suffer depression, they may not fully understand what you are going through and that is okay.  They are there for you and take comfort in the fact that you love each other.

He means not literal vision (he means visualisation in chess 

*she

and yes, i'm not blind, but i have absolutely no mental imagery

with all due respect, if you can't find something fun about the game anymore, you can stop for a while, take a break. There is no such thing as giving up if you are not planning to take it seriously.

i do think it's fun, but i also want to progress. will progression be possible? if the answer is yes, how?