For Begineers

Title: “Tips from the Bronze King (AuhornishTheGreat, 146 ELO, Fear Me)” Hello, hello future Grandmasters and blundering warriors! I am Auhornish Nath, aka AuhornishTheGreat, the current undisputed #1 in the Bronze League (with an ELO of 146—please hold your applause). I come bearing tips, truths, and tragic tales of chessboard chaos to help YOU go from “what’s en passant?” to “I just en passanted my friend and he rage quit.” So buckle up, fellow pawns in the game of life. Here's what you actually need to know: 1. En Passant: The Ninja Capture This is the most gangster rule in chess. If your opponent moves a pawn 2 squares forward from its starting spot next to your pawn, you can capture it like it only moved one square. But you MUST do it immediately. Wait one turn and it vanishes like your chances of becoming World Champion. 2. Points: Math but for Pieces Pawn = 1 (aka the interns of chess) Knight = 3 (jumping horsey boing boing) Bishop = 3 (sniper vibes) Rook = 5 (truck with attitude) Queen = 9 (the Beyoncé of pieces) King = infinite (because if he dies, game over) 3. Fork: The Fancy Double Attack A fork is when one piece attacks two things at once. Knights are the kings of this move—just watch them jump in and poke your Queen and Rook at the same time. It’s painful. Like stepping on LEGO painful. 4. Promotion: Pawn’s Glow-Up Get your pawn all the way to the other side of the board and it transforms—like a Pokémon evolution. 99% of the time, choose a Queen. Unless you want a Knight for a sneaky fork. NEVER pick a Bishop for “balance.” 5. Notations: The Language of Chess Nerds Chess notation looks like this: “e4” or “Nf3.” It tells you where pieces go. Learn the basics: Letters = files (columns) Numbers = ranks (rows) B = Bishop, N = Knight (because K = King), Q = Queen, R = Rook, K = King “x” means capture “+” = check, “#” = checkmate You’ll feel 200 IQ just writing “Qh5+.” 6. Chess Puzzles: Brain Gymnastics They give you a position and say “Mate in 2” or “Find best move.” It’s like Sudoku with emotional damage. Great for learning tactics like forks, pins, skewers, and feeling clever. 7. Friending Me (DO IT) Username: AuhornishTheGreat Click on my name. Hit that friend button. Send a message like “FORK GANG” so I know you came from this post. 8. Awards and Trophies: Collect 'em All Play games, do puzzles, win matches, and Chess.com throws digital confetti on you. You’ll get badges for 10 wins, streaks, puzzle points, and even just logging in while alive. 9. Ways to Capture & Checkmate: Regular capture: Take enemy pieces like a boss. Checkmate: Trap the King so he can’t escape—GG. Scholar’s Mate: Checkmate in 4 moves (against someone watching Netflix mid-game). Smothered Mate: Knight checkmates a King surrounded by his own pieces. Beautiful. 10. Winning (Even When You Lose) Resign: You click “resign” when your soul has left your body. Abandon: Close the tab. Rage quit. Go outside. Instant win (for them). Timeout: Don’t move for too long and you lose. Chess is not a nap simulator. Checkmate: You cornered the King. Legendary. Opponent blunders Queen: You win emotionally, even if you still lose. Final Wisdom from a Bronze Warrior: Play SLOW games. Bullet makes you fast and foolish. Don’t touch your Queen too early. She’s powerful but fragile—like glass in a wind tunnel. Play the same openings for 10 games. You’ll stop feeling lost. Always say “GG” (even if it wasn’t). And if someone en passants you… cry, then learn from it. NOW YOU: What was YOUR first chess blunder? Or best move ever? Post it below. Let’s make this thread the GOAT. Friend me, comment, and tell your dog to upvote this. Together, we rise from Bronze to Silver (and maybe even Gold if we stop hanging Rooks). – Auhornish Nath / AuhornishTheGreat Bronze King, 146 ELO, 1000 dreams