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The first tip is to never play the London system
.
Now to get onto the really epik tips.
So uh the first one is to never capture free pieces because it is probably not free and uhh you will uhhh hang checkmate in 15 moves if you do.
Next just don't blunder pieces.
The next tip is to uhh... hmmmmm... just very epikly sacrifice all your pieces in the beginning and hope one is a brilliant move to make you very epik.
Lastly (hmmmmmm) become better at the game by playing unrated
Ok have very epik day now