I am nooooooooooooob

No! I'm not helping anybody!

Okay okay...

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As Black:

Against e4 - French Defense.

Against d4 - Benko Gambit, or King's Indian [they both take time to master, but are very strong. King's Indian for checkmate, Benko Gambit for dominance]

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As White: play e4.

Against French Defense... you're stuck, you need to either know 8 different variations, or to play the Milner-Barry Gambit [hence why I told you to play it as Black].

Against the Scandinavian... just transpose to the Blackmar Gambit with 2.d4. - that's it - no scandinavian. your opponent can choose Blackmar-Gambit/French/Caro Kann.

Against Caro Kann, play the Advanced Variation, choose your favorite variation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9uHKJ1WgbM&t=1060s

Against Sicilian - the sidelines are really strong, I would choose the Grand Prix Attack.

Against 1...Nf6, just press the TEST button:

https://lichess.org/study/HGUdtj02

Against the Pirc - The 150 Attack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHOZ65s-IlY&t=448s

Against 1...e5 - The King's Gambit. Muzio or Double Muzio seem like fun, but it's your choice what variation to go for. [takes time to master, you'll face a Falkbeer Countergambit - there's a refutation to the old line, and the new line isn't scary - his king needs to move to f8...].

That's it. Have fun