why am I so bad at chess?

It's really quite (simple), just be honest with yourself and look in the mirror everyday and say...I am just a simple person and there's nothing wrong with that.
I hope I cheered you up, : )))

same thing for me a long time ago, just not easy to find good competition out in the real world

Hello beginner chess players! My name is Lauren Goodkind and I’m a chess coach and chess YouTuber based in California:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCP5SPSG_sWSYPjqJYMNwL_Q
I have tips to help you improve your chess skills so you can win more games.
-I offer a free beginner’s free eBook on my website, www.ChessByLauren.com in case you are interested. The book is about asking questions before each move.
-Learn basic tactics such as the fork, discovered attack, pin, and more is key of becoming a better chess player. I offer interactive puzzles on my website: https://www.chessbylauren.com/two-choice-puzzles.php
-I recommend two books for you: “50 Poison Pieces” and “Queen For A Day: The Girl’s Guide To Chess Mastery.” Both books are available on Amazon.com. Both books are endorsed by chess masters!
-If you are serious about chess, I highly recommend you hiring a chess coach to help you.
-Also consider all checks and captures on your side and also your opponent’s side. Always as, “If I move here, where is my opponent going to move?”
I hope that this helps.

As Levy from GothamChess YouTube channel puts it, you are making 4 deadly mistakes which are stunting your growth:
1- You think only about yourself in a chess game. You only think "I am going to do this" and you don't think in depth what your opponent is going to do in response. And even if you do give it a thought, you only look at options which suit your plan. Don't be "chess selfish". With every single move in your mind, patiently analyze what options your opponent has in reply.
2- You think linear. As in, you only have a single plan. When it fails, you feel lost and frustrated. Don't do that. Now is the time to try and make parallel plans. "If this doesn't goes as planned, I will change my strategy and do this instead."
3- You go prematurely for attacks. You just take your queen (with a knight or bishop) and try to go Rambo on your enemy. Don't do that. There are 7 pieces (excluding king) and 8 pawns in a chess army for a reason. No matter how tempting it might seem (unless it's a simple one move capture), DO NOT attack before both your knights and at least one bishop are out. It helps if you have a pawn or two in the center.
4- You don't know the 5 types of chess attacks. Namely: fork, pin, skewer, discovery and check. All chess tactics derive from combinations of these 5 attacks. Practice them and practice them very often. So much so that you see knights and queens in your dreams.
Rectify these weaknesses and your skill will increase.
After looking at 2 games I'd say your openings look really good. They are not the problem. Your problem is board vision and tactics. With board vision I mean you don't always notice that the opponent can just take a piece. Tactics means doing a combination of a few moves. Do some puzzles, but mostly play games. The more you play, the more natural it will be to know how the pieces move and the quicker you will start to see that their piece can take yours. After you stop giving away your pieces, you'll get a lot better and tactics will become the next big thing.
should i focus on not giving up pieces first? Would playing the computer help?
Yes, focus on not giving up pieces (and taking theirs) first would be my advice. There's no need to play with a computer, as computers don't make the same kind of errors as human players do.
When young kids first start learning chess, their games always feature one kid playing with only their queen and taking everything. While some people think that's a silly phase, it does help them learn how all the pieces move (although mostly the queen
).
Practice makes perfect. It's the same with different games. The first time you play, you don't see the same possibilities as when you're playing the game the 5th or the 50th time. Chess is just a bit harder with all the different moving pieces and will take a bit longer to become completely comfortable with.
As an extra training, you could look at your own games after you've played them and see at the 5th, the 10th, the 15th etc. moves all the possibilities of your and their pieces. See what could have been taken. You will probably start noticing either of you could have taken a piece. Next time, you'll be on the lookout and might avoid disaster in your own game!