lol!
#2 When your opponent plays en passant you acuse him of cheating.
1000 signs that you don't play enough chess
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#3 you say that rooks aren't ever allowed to hop over kings
#4 you mix up your king and queen
#5 When somebody checkmates you say, " I WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!", and you flip over the chess board and bash it right through your opponent's head. Then you stuff the bishops up his nose. You take the king and jab it right through his left ear. You jab the queen through his right ear. Then you glue the knights to his eyes, and force him to eat the pawns one by one. Then you tie him up and take him up a tree. You then take a string and tie it to his hair. You take the other side of the string and tie it to a strong branch. Below him, you put a bonfire. Then, you take man-eating spiders, and send them up the tree. After all that, you take a picture of him screaming in agony as the spiders slowly tear his flesh off and make it you homepage picture. Then you run away.
um... very... creative
#6 when you play chess sideways
7. When your opponent resigns, you say "I don't accept your resignation. Play on."
8. You think pawns are rubbish
9. You fall for the scholar's mate... every time.
1) your rating is 4000