1000 signs you're not a very good chess player

3907, You don't know bch4 is impossible because it has to come from c-1 or c9 to reach h4

3908. You don't know your rating

in this occasion white is only worty of a 200 rating

3909. you think a good chess player is someone who almost never hangs their pieces

3910. "Coach, you can't expect me to memorize opening theory 10 moves deep!"

3911. You suscribed to GJ_Chess

3912. you bring a big scalpel, surgical sponges, and anesthetics just in case you queen one of your pawns

for cutting something off

hmm that's like 1200 level, not like 100 level.

3913. You think this is how the pieces are set:

or queen e1 e8

3915. You set up the pieces like this:

3916. You're obsessed with attacking (aka you play black here)

3917. This happens:

3918. You think this is how the pieces are set:

3919. You are so obsessed with checking that this happens:

You play as white 

I came up with a longer one that takes about 92 moves. 
The link is here https://www.chess.com/forum/view/fun-with-chess/stupid-opening-50623998?page=2#comment-51933234 

3920.

You think stalemate is checkmate.

CHECKMATE!!

you yell

(you are black)

you spend time reading forums like this, and thinking you've learned something that you can now use in your game

5852. You say 'What the ****' After you lose a game