dosent realize his opponents time ran out
1000 things a dumb chess player would do
8. he en passants your knight... (lol my opponent once did this to me in an otb tournament)
This made me laugh

70. Drives own self into a corner then gets checkmated
71. Doesn't even realize this isn't a legal position for 2 reasons nor is it a checkmate regardless

Not play e4 e5 because only beta simps play e4 e6 or e4 d5 or e4 c5 or e4 c6 or e4 nf6 or e4 g6 or e4 b6. Gigachad alpha sigmas play e4 e5

72. Changes their username to Duck
How was duck not taken anyway?
I think if you have a premium account you can get your user changed to one of an inactive member, and duck was probably from an inactive user.
after falling for this trap for the 50th time, screaming "HOW DO I EVEN STOP IT?!?!"
Note that your king defends f7, so there isn't actually a threat there. Therefore, simply defend the threat on the pawn. If you see that your pawn keeps getting captured, simply defend it the next time you come into this situation. Try Nc6.
thx for advic