1000 ways of get injured playing chess

lol.

322)Your opponent listens to Justin Bieber... and you hear it... and it's a 4-hour-game... and he's fighting 'til the end... and if you resign you lose 200 Elo... and whatever you do you hear him

323) Your opponent throws all of the pieces in a cliff. So there is no pieces. And then you must play blindfolded...

324. The opponent plays the Halloween Gambit and then throws the knight he lost on you... he's so strong that you fall... in a cliff

325. your opponent bring a board of Chinese chess when you want to make a game of chess.

Playing with sharp rusty nails.

We're actually on 330.

331. When your clock has been set to 15 seconds in a 15 minutes game.

The brain is ELECTRICAL energy. Electric surcharge singing neurons and synapses ( electric signals ) Dymentia;...stroke ...Parkinsons...Oh I forgot EYE strain and RSI ( repetitive strain injury )  Thats whyu our game does not improve much  

biting your tongue!

334. When you discover your opponent is one of the indian spammers!

332.  Here is a not so funny one that actually happened during the 1st round of the 1993 Missouri Open.  I was matched up against a well known Grandmaster and was playing him even for the first 20 some odd moves.  All of a sudden, tragedy struck in another area of the room in front of the bookstore.  This player had blundered a piece, and suffered a heart attack at the board, and I initially thought it was a book from the bookstore that hit the ground.  I was wrong, as the bookstore manager yelled out, "Somebody Dial 911"!  At this point, all of the games had to be stopped while the emergency first responders tried to work on saving this player's life.  Upon resumption of my game, I promptly blundered a knight to the Grandmaster, and the game was over relatively quickly.  If there would be a reason to lose to a Grandmaster, that one would be it.  This player did tragically die, so at least he left the world leaving what he loved to do.

David A. Cole

336. When you play the game

1. e4 OTTLBKe1FKQd1 2. Nf3 OMHoDCKe1#!!

OTTLBKe1FKQd1 = Opponent tries to launch a boomerang at King in e1, fails, killing queen in d1.

OMHoDCKe1#!! = opponent's mighty hand of doom crushs king in e1. Checkmate, very good move.

Banging head against chessboard repeatedly after getting queen trapped.

#338: Your opponent hypnotyzes you in middle of the game and forces you to blunder and lose the game. Unfortunately you get several brain damage after being hypnotyzed. After losing this game you cross the road in red thinking its green and get roadkilled by a tractor

When u recognize that the entire game you played against a GM without a wimp of a chance

#339: Once upon a time there was a chess player named Pedro. He loved chess, chess books and heights. Padro was also a sinner. One time he had a brilliant idea of playing a chess.com game while using his chess book, on the edge of the balcony of a 160story tower. And when he picked up the book to outplay his opponent, unfortunately, it was the Holy Bible with a metallic cover, which became the final straw. He got struck by 100million megawatts lighting.

. He lost on time, got desintegrated and particles of him are today present in the polluted air we all breathe

#340: Annie had a cat named Bred. When Annie was sitting and reading Bred used to scratch the book to get Annie's attention. One day Annie was quietly sitting and playing chess on her tablet, so Bred decides that its time for some disturbance and came to scratch. The scratch against the laptop's metallic surface produces some sparks, Bred is set on fire and jumps on Annie's heard. Annie's hair burns. Annie, in panic, throws Bred against the courtains. Bred jumps out of the window and spreads fire to the whole neighbourhood. Annie now covered in ashes runs. Somebody calls the police. The police comes , sees Annie running and shoots. The gas station nearby explodes and obliterates everything in the 50m radius including the police and Annie

Annie wakes up from the nightmare and sees she timed out in a chess game, she lost a +16material game but she is happy to be alive and have Bred peaceful sleeping on her arms. She decides to nuzzle Bred. Bred wakes Up in panic and bites Annie's nose. Annie runs to the hospital but the main entry is closed. Still bleeding she runs into the parking and gets roadkilled by an ambulance. Gets revived with desfibrilators but the ambulance crashes into a bank that is being robbed. 4 organized robbers hijack the ambulance and try to drive Annie to their basement. Police helicopters shoot the ambulance, It explodes but Annie and one robber survive and escape.

They form a happy marriage and settle far from civilization, with a new pet named Pawn.

One day Annie is quietly playing chess on her laptop and Pawn decides to remind her that its feeding time. Pawn scratches the left foot and Annie missclicks, loses the game and re-sends an email with virus to the DEA mánager. Military fighter jets bomb the island the next day but Annie is on a boat escaping. A whale makes It sink and a shark eats Annie alive. A fishing crew accidentally traps the shark and save Annie. Annie marries to a fisher.

One day Annie is quietly sitting and playing chess and her new pet called Drob decides that he needs some attention

... to be continued