2001-3000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

2787 have a pro 420 blazit 320 noscope illuminati senpai doritos Mtn dew quickscope groundpound your opponent

2789. Having 1 Natural Disaster after another erupt from "down under" (and I'm not talking about Australia, if you catch my drift...)

2790. Magnus Carlsen, liking knights so much, rides his horse from Norway to the Worcestershire Sauce packing plant in NYC to compete in the World Chess Championship in November 2016.  Here is his horse supervising the bottling, boxing, and eventual distribution of the NYC Worcestershire Sauce. The horse is a bit tired after the skydive out of the airplane, as is seen in the photo:

No horsing around going on up here... Neigh. Neigh.

2932. Taking a long worldwide journey to find organic gluten free worcester sauce.

2933. Taking time to correct the forum number.

Hey, hey, Piqo, hello there! Please let me know if you find any non-GMO gluten free Worcestershire sauce! I'm so ready for a dino-kale T-Rex wrap right now!  And BTW, the post number (to your right) is not always the same as the "worst things" number (to your left), while the stuff in the center is usually a bit wacky too!  The problem with the worst things number on the left, is all the posters on this site are radical mathematicians, so we have some slight disagreements from time to time on the numbering.  C'est la vie...

####. Four checkmates disguised as numerals. Tic-tac-toe, anyone?

2791. Discovering the actual "worst things" number and restoring it, and having everyone in the forum agree on it, but dying of old age in doing so.

2792. Going to the flea market where you find a great deal: buy one chess piece, get one flea...

Interesting fact:

Also, Baboons Eating Love Chinese Hairy Gorilla Utilitarian Toy (BELCHGUT).

Additionally, baboons love to eat Vervet monkeys, your chess pieces,
ham with Worcestershire sauce, and to smoke both carrot sticks and marijuana doobies.

  ...at that moment, the baboon asked me if I didn't mind his smoking a cigarette, so I told
  him, no problem at all, just make sure it was the lit end that was in his mouth...  
  Here he is taking a puff on a carrot stick. 

Stink up the room so terribly that your opponent is mated in four (moves or farts???), you are proclaimed a scholar, and a new chess vocabulary term is coined: victory by fartmate, rather than checkmate.

2794. Announcing a mate in 47 after your opponent plays 1. f3.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

I thought that was dirt on my computer screen, but then I scrolled down and it was gone

Hmmmph, it must've migrated from your computer screen to mine then...
It's okay, I've got a flyswatter right here. 

2795. Knocking down your king while you reach for a bag of chips.

2796. Announcing to your opponent right before the start of the chess match, "Ladies and Lentilmen, start your legumes and chess moves!" while
dumping a quart of mushy, cooked lentils on your opponent's center squares.

  "Whaddya mean, in-sauna-sensible!? Don't ask why, drink Bud Dry, lady - or maybe not so dry..."

  "Lentil we meet again..."

I always Scotch tape my king to the board before I go hit the bathrooms for a blintz or two - don't want no king theft nor shenanigans.  I also purchase king insurance.  Have you asked your insurance agent about policy rates?

2797. Throwing your opponent for a Quesalupa when you decide to "Live Mas" on the chessboard.

Instructions for use: 1. fold your chessboard into a loop; 2. insert Mexican food inside; 3. tell your opponent that it is really a burrito, not a chessboard; 4. watch the confused look on his/her face!  ; 5. good with Worcestershire sauce

  New chess variant: this is gonna be bigger than aliens...