2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

2982. Realizing that T-Rex ate up my Christopher Walken Balls of Fury avatar so he could pose center stage. This is his old pic, back in the days when he was the main star on Land of the Lost.  He said Walken was pretty tasty, but could've used just a bit of Worcestershire Sauce for flavoring.

since your a t-rex now then I should be a gorilla

when he steals your girlfriend you be like:

greetings from i, the gorilla hairy with grammar good

I is mad

 Are you sure that's not the, "Oy veh! I just had so many bananas I look like a black hairy banana meatball!" look? 

  2983. Preparing your opening theory against white's first move...

2984. Advocating the most important new feature in chess.com v.3 be a pause button for bullet games, so you can go in the bathroom and study the position for an hour or so before resuming your game - you could be eating some blintzes in there, or something - plucking chickens' feathers; or to give yourself time to load more bullets (no, not games, actual bullets...)

2985. Redesigning the shape of the pawns to be more infundibuliform so that you can pour coffee into them. That way, you'll have enough coffee for your chess game. There shall also be a special word - just as we have j'adoube - devised along with the redesign, to indicate to your opponent that your intention is not to move, but rather, to drink out of the pawn in question. Also redesigning the rooks to be hollowed-out on the inside so they serve as rooks, but more importantly, cream and sugar pitchers.

  "I envision a world someday, son, where pawn's bottoms will look like this."

  "Dad, have you been hitting the bottle again?"

  "Oceans of it, son, oceans, I say."

...and G O D zilla's still trying to digest those chopsticks!

LMPAO!

2986. Twighead and G O D zilla vs. Petula Clark and The Boy from Ipanema in a winner-takes-all-the-rice balls-you-can-eat! chess tournament.

  Tall and tan and young and handsome and------- No! - we're not talking about GOBZILLA! 

...and awesome alliteration, ape!

2987 - reading Tim Vine jokes

2988 - You're losing at a game of chess so travel back in time before you made the mistake and rectify it but in the process cause a paradox

2989 - Read corny chess jokes to your opponent

2990 - Writing the first 500 digits of Euler's number

2991. Never saying, "Never" never again! Ever or never!

2992. People are never asking me what my favorite opening to never play is against 1. d4?  My answer is never the same. I never used to play 1...c5, but I've never learned there's a better line. Here's how you never want to approach it. Never just grab your favorite beer stein and never fill it up with nice cool water all the up to the top, so it's never overflowing. You can never put a few ice cubes in there, to never cool it off a little bit more. After your opponent never plays 1. d4, when you are never ready to counterattack that move, never grab your stein and never pour water all over the chessboard, essentially never flooding the pieces. Never check to see if your opponent's pieces are never trying to get away, maybe by never swimming away from the scene of the crime. Never let them get away. Never corral them back in if they never try to run or float away. Now never find a dirty old mop that you never use much and never have your opponent wipe that board so there's never some mud on there. While he's never wiping that mess up, next thing you never want to never do is never put down an LP, vinyl recording of Alban Berg's Wozzeck, abstract expressionist opera, and never crank that baby up real loud, to where your dad never really digs it, and your nevers are getting ready to never call the cops. Unless they do do. Now you've got your opponent's attention never and he's never ready to take you seriously. Seems like I can never finish my pale ale with all this stuff never going on around here.

Never doodat, peephole!

NNNNN EEEEE VVVVV EEEEE RRRRR 

EEEEE VVVVV EEEEE RRRRR

VVVV

EEEE

RRRR!

NEIGHBOR AIBER!

Lambs.