1. Burp the chessboard if it's burpt.
2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess
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474. What?! We've had 4006 already?! I count just fine peephole - er, peephoel, and I speil - er, spiel, even bedder, it's just I don't drink enough, that's the problem - I go Asia Mart, get cheapa Worcestershire sauce, maybe gib discount? In my Maserati; gettin our nails done all Japanesey; we're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams, maybe, we're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams... This is a short race, this is a short life, let's run, not walk, through this beautiful life; this is a good day, this is a good sign; it's no big deal, this is no big deal; this is how we do; chillin', laid back, this is how we do; you've got green eyes and I've got sunrise; we're falling sideways, big lights freeways, heart beats through me, through this beautiful life, we're talking dreams maybe; this goes out to the hairy gorillas who stil' have their cars at the club valet, and it's Tuesday; let's run away to New York City, with a T-Rex in our suitcase; this is how we do, doo-doo-doo-doo, cause you've got green eyes, and I've got sunrise. Wait, no, no, no, no, bring the beat back, this is how we do. I live for the applause, the way you cheer and scream for me. And I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong. I'll be your gift. Give you something good to celebrate. Happy Birthday! I'll make it like your birthday everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO!
Jun 29, 2016
0
#624
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
What?! We've had 4006 already?! I count just fine peephole - er, peephoel, and I speil - er, spiel, even bedder, it's just I don't drink enough, that's the problem - I go Asia Mart, get cheapa Worcestershire sauce, maybe gib discount? We're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams, maybe, we're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams... This is a short race, this is a short life, let's run, not walk, through this beautiful life; this is a good day, this is a good sign; you've got green eyes and I've got sunrise; we're falling sideways, big lights freeways, heart beats through me, through this beautiful life, we're talking dreams maybe; let's run away to New York City, with a T-Rex in our suitcase; cause you've got green eyes, and I've got sunrise.I
Wake... Up... You've been logged in? 😊
egoole wrote:
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
What?! We've had 4006 already?! I count just fine peephole - er, peephoel, and I speil - er, spiel, even bedder, it's just I don't drink enough, that's the problem - I go Asia Mart, get cheapa Worcestershire sauce, maybe gib discount? We're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams, maybe, we're talking dreams, baby, we're talking dreams... This is a short race, this is a short life, let's run, not walk, through this beautiful life; this is a good day, this is a good sign; you've got green eyes and I've got sunrise; we're falling sideways, big lights freeways, heart beats through me, through this beautiful life, we're talking dreams maybe; let's run away to New York City, with a T-Rex in our suitcase; cause you've got green eyes, and I've got sunrise.I
Wake... Up... You've been logged in? 😊
No, it's all just a dream. Run away to NYC?
Well, kids, this was the Mondayest Tuesday ever, but I'm turning in for the knight. C U latah.
3419/3149. Starting off your chess game by building some waterproof walls around the four sides of the board and then flooding the board with water so you can test drive your live pet squid and analyze its jet propulsion system for bullet games.
Are you squidding me!!? 
3420/3240. Romancing a mummy during the chess game: for it is sad not to love, but it is much sadder to lose your chess game because you were romancing a mummy.
twighead wrote:
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
3420. Romancing a mummy during the chess game: for it is sad not to love, but it is much sadder to lose your chess game because you were romancing a mummy.
Hot diggity dog mommy 420 fringer bang cake give me a cracker and i'll wipe it ALL OVER.
See, peephole, this is what I love about twighead - it's these flashes of brilliance combined with stunning accuracy - and the ability to go 0-60 MPH in around 8.3 seconds - and that's in the rain... without a skateboard helmet...
So pick up your copy of Road and Track magazine - it's still early in July. Hurry, before the hairy gorillas buy all the copies and they're all sold out.
Fifth gear - 130 miles per hour; kids don't try this in your living room, room, room! Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroom!
Amazing acceleryation!
Gimme a brake...
egoole wrote:
3422).See how many days you can stay up without sleeping 💤?
0.047 dayzzzzzzzzzz...
Golden doohickeys of the knight...
sounds like a poem, I could be right,
but I always thought it was white on the right,
it's not my right, but white's right
to go first; still, golden doohickeys of the knight...
so I'm just gonna throw a few strategalicious ideas out there
and hope they don't hit you too hard, it wouldn't be fair,
like eating enough beans in the middle game makes enough fuel
to get you through to a long, stinky, and prosperous endgame, albeit cruel.
Then there are three stages (Stooges?) of pawn promotion: passed, present (as in b-day present), and peachy-queen...
but if you promoted to a higher level of existence may I recommend the green bean?...
the rutabagas would turnip into d4'med gourds
just to play the queen's gambit after d5, with c4 they would just blow up the boards
throw them up in the air and they'd come down squash
like a seedless watermelon that got all washed up at a car wash...
Next you gotta meat the forkers before you get skewered
those apocalyptic bishop squirrels's numbers have gotta be fewered
so ya bettah consult shiska Robert, the Fischerman, before you lose the game
so far despite all my strategical suggestions this poem's still pretty lame
if your Sicilian Komodo Dragon is draggin' and has lost some of its fire
sit on the commode, oh, while you sing songs in the blintzmen's choir!
I see you lost on thyme again, Rosemary!
Let me give you some sage advice: play chess with the greatest of fleas or it'll be scary...
So if you say "Zugzwaaaaaaah-ng!" a lot like a little baby,
I'd say there's much a2 about flank openings, or flank steaks with Worcestershire sauce, just maybe...
and if your not executing your execution in a most executive fashion
justa busta mova nowa, play whatev's your passion
also never tell your opponent that if he wins you'll eat his shoe
or figure you are about 47 feet away from a checkmate, it just isn't true
Golden doohickeys of the knight, theoretically you need to just wake up,
so see how many days you can stay up without sleeping, that's the best strategy for winning, yup!
twighead wrote:
1. F3
!!! A very, very, very GOOD MOVE...
Wow, even George Bush confirms it!
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
Well, kids, this was the Mondayest Tuesday ever, but I'm turning in for the knight. C U latah.
Well, kids, this was the Wednesdayest Thursday ever, but, ummm... never mind...
Jul 2, 2016
0
#635
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
Golden doohickeys of the knight...
sounds like a poem, I could be right,
but I always thought it was white on the right,
it's not my right, but white's right
to go first; still, golden doohickeys of the knight...
so I'm just gonna throw a few strategalicious ideas out there
and hope they don't hit you too hard, it wouldn't be fair,
like eating enough beans in the middle game makes enough fuel
to get you through to a long, stinky, and prosperous endgame, albeit cruel.
Then there are three stages (Stooges?) of pawn promotion: passed, present (as in b-day present), and peachy-queen...
but if you promoted to a higher level of existence may I recommend the green bean?...
the rutabagas would turnip into d4'med gourds
just to play the queen's gambit after d5, with c4 they would just blow up the boards
throw them up in the air and they'd come down squash
like a seedless watermelon that got all washed up at a car wash...
Next you gotta meat the forkers before you get skewered
those apocalyptic bishop squirrels's numbers have gotta be fewered
so ya bettah consult shiska Robert, the Fischerman, before you lose the game
so far despite all my strategical suggestions this poem's still pretty lame
if your Sicilian Komodo Dragon is draggin' and has lost some of its fire
sit on the commode, oh, while you sing songs in the blintzmen's choir!
I see you lost on thyme again, Rosemary!
Let me give you some sage advice: play chess with the greatest of fleas or it'll be scary...
So if you say "Zugzwaaaaaaah-ng!" a lot like a little baby,
I'd say there's much a2 about flank openings, or flank steaks with Worcestershire sauce, just maybe...
and if your not executing your execution in a most executive fashion
justa busta mova nowa, play whatev's your passion
also never tell your opponent that if he wins you'll eat his shoe
or figure you are about 47 feet away from a checkmate, it just isn't true
Golden doohickeys of the knight, theoretically you need to just wake up,
so see how many days you can stay up without sleeping, that's the best strategy for winning, yup!
Nice write up... ever considered publishing a best seller? .... 😁
egoole wrote:
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
Golden doohickeys of the knight...
sounds like a poem, I could be right,
but I always thought it was white on the right,
it's not my right, but white's right
to go first; still, golden doohickeys of the knight...
so I'm just gonna throw a few strategalicious ideas out there
and hope they don't hit you too hard, it wouldn't be fair,
like eating enough beans in the middle game makes enough fuel
to get you through to a long, stinky, and prosperous endgame, albeit cruel.
Then there are three stages (Stooges?) of pawn promotion: passed, present (as in b-day present), and peachy-queen...
but if you promoted to a higher level of existence may I recommend the green bean?...
the rutabagas would turnip into d4'med gourds
just to play the queen's gambit after d5, with c4 they would just blow up the boards
throw them up in the air and they'd come down squash
like a seedless watermelon that got all washed up at a car wash...
Next you gotta meat the forkers before you get skewered
those apocalyptic bishop squirrels's numbers have gotta be fewered
so ya bettah consult shiska Robert, the Fischerman, before you lose the game
so far despite all my strategical suggestions this poem's still pretty lame
if your Sicilian Komodo Dragon is draggin' and has lost some of its fire
sit on the commode, oh, while you sing songs in the blintzmen's choir!
I see you lost on thyme again, Rosemary!
Let me give you some sage advice: play chess with the greatest of fleas or it'll be scary...
So if you say "Zugzwaaaaaaah-ng!" a lot like a little baby,
I'd say there's much a2 about flank openings, or flank steaks with Worcestershire sauce, just maybe...
and if your not executing your execution in a most executive fashion
justa busta mova nowa, play whatev's your passion
also never tell your opponent that if he wins you'll eat his shoe
or figure you are about 47 feet away from a checkmate, it just isn't true
Golden doohickeys of the knight, theoretically you need to just wake up,
so see how many days you can stay up without sleeping, that's the best strategy for winning, yup!
Nice write up... ever considered publishing a best seller? .... 😁
T-Rex would never allow it; he says the only books allowed in the house are phone books, and those are just for sleeping or napping in; furthermore, having books in the house would take away from our time watching Netflix, listening to Katy Perry, and reading Road and Track magazine together. Now, I must go have my ham and onion sandwich for breakfast; T-Rex will have his usual ankylosaurus sandwich with pesto, as of late he has chosen to partake of it on a hoagie roll; ta-ta for now.
3423/3243. What I do like to do in a chess game is whenever I capture one of my opponent's pieces I jump up and down 47 times to celebrate; it puts HUGE PRESSURE on my opponent! He usually shuts his eyes and thinks out the next move in his head. So what if it's online? He still feels the HUGE PRESSURE.
"...and then I said, Donald, you didn't play 1. f3???" He said, "we gotta keep the wall and grow the wall..."
Jul 2, 2016
0
#639
ChessPlayinDude47 wrote:
2829. Not awake at bishop.
2836. Not sleeping at rook.
2837. Not awake at rook.
What!! We've already had 1? OK, then,
2. Burp the chessboard if it's already burpt.