2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

2901. revising for gcses.

2910. Revising for spelling errors and numbering issues.

2911 eat your opponent with a spork. then he says "wtf" and eats you from inside your stomach

what if he says "this stomach is full of half eaten chicken breast" ?

then you reach in your stomach and fully eat the chicken breast and then his statement would be invalid.

Yes, but can you please explain: what if upon reaching into your stomach to eat fully the chicken breast, you find that it is mixed with partially-digested broccoli, but then, not liking the feeling of your hand, your body vomits up the partially-digested broccoli, the chicken, and your hand, and then you decide to eat your opponent with a spork and he then eats you anyway? And, furthermore, who is to say that a spork is not a spoon plus a fork, but rather it is spoon-fed pork?

If he said that to me, first I'd slap him in the esophagus and then I'd say,
"Holy Tucumcari-Cumined Turmeric!" ...but, um, that's just me...

2912. Your opponent asking you if you would like some of his "pork lion sandwich" while you play chess.  
You ask, "Does it have more pig or more lion in it?"
He says, "It's definitely got more lion in it and so do I, and that ain't no bull! Cause I'm a champion, and you're going to hear me ROAR!!!!!!"
"So, ROAR!!!!!!"
You say, "You're not really lion (lying), are you!?"
Then you run for your life, but not before asking for half of the sandwich...

  "Meow..."

   "Roar!"

   ...don't know about you, but I'd say these pigs have had one too many...
   ...they are lookin' just swill... 

2913. Too many can-a-bull jokes; you could never fit a bull in a can if you tried, son!

2914. Playing a fellow named Bobby Jean King in the chess tournament.  You get white. You play 1. e4. He says, "Fault!" You say, "Shhh! This is a tournament, keep your voice down." He plays his move, then you play 2. d4, and he says, "Double-fault! Love-15!" Then you grab your bishop and throw it as hard as you can on his side of the board so it rebounds off and hits the floor, he tries to catch it and return it, but he cannot. "You ace! 15-15!" "I said, shut up!" Then the TD comes over and says, "I don't know what kind of ping-pong you boys are playing in here, but the swimming pool is out that way, and don't come in this gymnasium sopping wet ever again, or I will slap you on the xxx with these here paddles!"

2915. Being a chess mass turd.

2916. Being a chess grand mass turd.

2917. Being a chess International Grand mass turd.

2918. Being just a Class A mass turd.

2919. Being a Class E turd.  Turds are never classy (Class E).

2920. Thinking your turds are Class E.

2921. Not speaking nearly enough about this subject...

2922. Not speaking nearly enough about what subject???

T

roll    

WHA

     AYYY

         SUSSS

             TEETEETEETEEE

                  EIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEI

                       NNNNNNNNNNNNNN

                            GUHGUHGUHGUHGUHGUH

FORFORFOR4FOR4FOR4FOR4FORFOURFOR

      RUMRUMRUMRUMRUMROOMRUMROARRUMRUMROMRUM

SPAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYAYAAYAYAAYAYAYAYYAYY

CECECECECECECECECECE!!!   !!!    !!!!     !!!!!      !!!!!!!!!!!!   !!!!!!!!

I'm just going to do it just this time cuz i want to annoy all of you. greeting from hairy-gorilla land and t-rex world.