2826-4000 Worst Things To Do While Playing Chess

2951 - Playing backgammon simultaneously.

2952 - playing in the middle of the road.

2953 - Try and bluff. That never works in chess I'm afraid.

2954 - Eating a chicken vindaloo from asda (which are hot).

2955 - Sleepwalking

2956 - Mistaking queens for kings.

2957 - Play logic chess. Castles cannot move as they can't move in real life, bishops can't take anything because they believe in peace.

2958 - Pacifist chess. You can't take any pieces and you can only draw.

2959 - only 41 away from 3000

2960 - Trying to find the prime factorisation of 762474733331. That takes up a little too much time. In fact I'll see if I can factorise it.

2961 - Finding out the prime factorisation of 762474733331 = 9679 x 78776189.

2962 - Making the first move and claiming you've found mate in 23.

2963 - Making a corny chess joke.

e.g. "What's the difference between a poor bloke and a grand chessmaster?"

"One pawns his watch, the other watches his pawns"

2964 - Playing Komodo.

2965 -

2966 - 

It is with great pleasure that I announce my retirement from this post. I will miss you guys, but T-Rex, T-Rex Jr., and I will be leaving later today for my apprenticeship in chess piece wind instrument design and marketing. I have been assigned to work in Kalamazoo, MI; Kathmandu, Nepal; and Timbuktu (somewhere in Mali, Africa?) designing bishops for use as potential musical wind instruments. T-Rex realized this potential (for instance: the top of a bishop making a wonderful mouthpiece and when blowing into it, the bottom of the bishop acting as a bell. Or, substitutionally, for designs for bishop quesalupi in partnership with Taco Bell - soon to be called Bishop Bell...) We are debating if we'd like to call it the bishoon, the bishoe, the bishoot, or the bishonet, but, in any case, it has been a pleasure! Please look us up (and down) on the web at bishoooooooyahooooooey.com. And now, without further ado, or adieux, or Scooby-doo, I say my farewell:
"Farewell". Stay thirsty, my friends, for Worcestershire Sauce, always...

- ChessPlayinDudeusMcOooga-Ooogaeius47, retiring, signing-off, signing-out, unsigning altogether...

2967. Putting a spindaloo on the vindaloo
when I could be eating a schnitzel cordon bleu!
Still, if I had to vindaloo, I'd do it straight out of the blue,
whether it be with a rat kangaroo or in the bathroom with a blintz and some toilet tissue.
It sure beats the April red tape of filing with the Service of the Internal Revenue
and can be done by the TV with T-Rex, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne, and Scooby-Doo;
still, if I had to vindaloo, and if I had to, as a food critic, write an analytical review,
I'd write a favorable one on how to just drink a lot of water with it to help you get through
the pain and the suffering of the food poisoning and the stomach flu - ewww! -
since I'm now back from my bishoon adventures in Timbuktu, Kathmandu, and Kalamazoo.

 

  Of all the tactics, my favorite must be the fork! Ahhh....
  Maybe they should call them, "Attacktics!" 

 Hey yo, check this out, dudes:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiJWIAP6dKc 

From ASDA?  You mean the American Steak and Drug Administration?