3000 Ways to ruin a perfectly good meal with chess related stuff

20. You go into a tirade about how IBM cheated against Kasparov. 

21. You insist on playing makruk every time you eat Thai food. 

22. Every time someone makes a faux pas at dinner, you shout, "Blunder!"

23. When you see a couple holding hands at the table next to you in a restaurant, you stab both of their hands together with your dinner fork and yell, "Fork!" 

24. When you approach the bathroom in a restaurant and see that someone else is going for the door, you dart diagonally in front of them, yelling algebraic notation as you pull the door shut behind you. 

25. You attempt to discuss ratings inflation with your female dinner date. 

26. You clarify the difference between tactics and strategy to your female dinner date. And, of course, you sound like a condescending prick. 

27.  On a date at an expensive French restuarant you can't think of what to talk about while waiting for the food.  Upon realizing that the table cloth is checkered you throw everything to the ground.  Then you set the salt shaker in the middle of the checkered table cloth with knives on the diagonal and forks on the ranks and files to show the movement of the queen.  Next you explain to your date the movement of the rook by removing the knives.  After this, you put the knives back and remove the forks to demonstrate the bishop's movement.  Then you bend all of the silverware to show the knight.  You ignore the furious head waiter and proceed to break the heads off the spoons to show the king's movement.  When you reach out to begin to show the pawn and explain en passant, you get a text saying "left 10 minutes ago plz dont call."  You look to the waiter and say "I dropped my queen!"

28.  You tell the girl that you like forced mates.

30. At the dinner table on a double date, you ask your male cohort if he would like to swap queens. 

31. You compare quantities of food eaten throughout the course of the meal in terms of who has lost the most material, whilst chewing your food into the shapes of chess pieces. 

32. You drop your bishop in the gravy.

33. You put chesse on your bishop and say cheesy bishop

Using the checkered tablecloth and different types of food (untouched=white , chewed=black) you play a game of chess with yourself, shouting every move loudly in algebraic notation. When a waiter comes over and asks you to stop, you demand higher prize money for the match.

36. You refer to waiters as pawns. 

37. You explain to your female dinner date that the king is really the strongest piece because it's the point of view from which the player operates, which means that the the king controls the queen. You go on to explain how this works as an excellent metaphor for the righteousness of female subjugation. 

38. At a restaurant, you are overheard shouting, "Being black is an inherent disadvantage!"

It took to #38 for a funny one?

39. After the meal: I dont have a cheque for u cos u are attacking my mate.