Alekhine: Well Capablanca, I'm going to New York with you. You know Frank Marshall, the Marshal Chessclub manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
Capablanca: Look Alekhine, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Alekhine: I certainly do.
Capablanca: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. First board, second board, third board....
Alekhine: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these chessplayers now-a-days very peculiar names.
Capablanca: Ok, well lets hear it.
Alekhine: Well, let's see, we have on the boards, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Capablanca: That's what I want to find out.
Alekhine: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Capablanca: Are you the manager?
Alekhine: Yes.
Capablanca: You gonna be the coach too?
Alekhine: Yes.
Capablanca: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Alekhine: Well I should.
Capablanca: Well then who's on first board?
Alekhine: Yes.
Capablanca: I mean the fellow's name.
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: The guy on first.
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: The first board.
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: The guy playing...
Alekhine: Who is on first!
Capablanca: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Alekhine: That's the man's name.
Capablanca: That's who's name?
Alekhine: Yes.
Capablanca: Well go ahead and tell me.
Alekhine: That's it.
Capablanca: That's who?
Alekhine: Yes.
PAUSE
Capablanca: Look, you got a player on first board?
Alekhine: Certainly.
Capablanca: Who's playing first?
Alekhine: That's right.
Capablanca: When you pay off the person on first board with the prize money, who gets the money?
Alekhine: Every dollar of it.
Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first board.
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: The guy that gets...
Alekhine: That's it.
Capablanca: Who gets the money...
Alekhine: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Capablanca: Who's wife?
Alekhine: Yes.
PAUSE
Alekhine: What's wrong with that?
Capablanca: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first board, how does he sign his name?
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: The guy.
Alekhine: Who.
Capablanca: How does he sign...
Alekhine: That's how he signs it.
Capablanca: Who?
Alekhine: Yes.
PAUSE
Capablanca: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first board.
Alekhine: No. What is on second board.
Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Alekhine: Who's on first.
Capablanca: One board at a time!
Alekhine: Well, don't change the players around.
Capablanca: I'm not changing nobody!
Alekhine: Take it easy, buddy.
Capablanca: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first board?
Alekhine: That's right.
Capablanca: Ok.
Alekhine: All right.
PAUSE
Capablanca: What's the guy's name on first board?
Alekhine: No. What is on second.
Capablanca: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Alekhine: Who's on first.
Capablanca: I don't know.
Alekhine: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Capablanca: Now how did I get on third board?
Alekhine: Why you mentioned his name.
Capablanca: If I mentioned the third board's name, who did I say is playing third?
Alekhine: No. Who's playing first.
Capablanca: What's on first?
Alekhine: What's on second.
Capablanca: I don't know.
Alekhine: He's on third.
Capablanca: There I go, back on third again!
I played first by the way...
Time to de-track and hope it dies of apathy.