Chess Joke

xgaptek-co-cc
kive wrote:

 


realy love this.. Smile

MontyII

At a chess tournament, held in a large hotel, several players were gathered near the lobby.  They were loudly discussing some chess games, and being rather obnoxious about it, at least in the opinion of some.

Some other guests (not tournament participants) became annoyed.  One remarked, "I really hate that!  CHESS NUTS BOASTING BY AN OPEN FOYER."

xgaptek-co-cc

[COMMENT DELETED by moderator - no politics.]

waffllemaster

Well known joke told by Capablanca:

"I was playing in a tournament in germany one year when a man approached me. Thinking he just wanted an autograph, I reached for my pen, when the man made a startling announcement. 'I've solved chess!' I sensibly started to back away, in case the man was dangerous as well as insane, but the man continued: 'I'll bet you 50 marks that if you come back to my hotel room I can prove it to you.' Well, 50 marks was 50 marks, so I humored the fellow and accompanied him to his room."

"Back at the room, we sat down at his chess board. 'I've worked it all out, white mates in 12 no matter what.' I played black with perhaps a bit incautiously, but I found to my horror that white's pieces coordinated very strangely, and that I was going to be mated on the 12th move!"

"I tried again, and I played a completely different opening that couldn't possibly result in such a position, but after a series of very queer-looking moves, once again I found my king surrounded, with mate to fall on the 12th move. I asked the man to wait while I ran downstairs and fetched Emmanuel Lasker, who was world champion before me. He was extremely skeptical, but agreed to at least come and play. Along the way we snagged Alekhine, who was then world champion, and the three of us ran back up to the room."

"Lasker took no chances, but played as cautiously as could be, yet after a bizarre, pointless-looking series of maneuvers, found himself hemmed in a mating net from which there was no escape. Alekhine tried his hand, too, but all to no avail."

"It was awful! Here we were, the finest players in the world, men who had devoted our very lives to the game, and it was all over! The tournaments, the matches, everything - chess had been solved, white wins."

About this time Capa's friends would break in, saying "Wait a minute, I never heard anything about all this! What happened?"

"Why, we killed him, of course."

KalunaDarlin

*chuckles*

Of course they did!

Sadalmelik
[COMMENT DELETED]
Javan64

MsIceQueen

Frasier: I can see why she likes the game - "the king is stationary, the queen has all the power". 

MsIceQueen

A other side of an old story:

In chess, my boyfriend has one ambition
To win under any condition.
But to this date
He has yet to mate
He just can't find the right position.

MsIceQueen

A boaster at the local chess club pronounces:

"I can beat anybody here with the odds of a pawn and a move!"

The club Master looked at the Boaster quizzically. He knew Boaster was never stronger than a Class B player.

"I'll take you up on that offer - unless there's a catch."

"No catch, Mr. Master. There is a condition that I choose which of the pawns to remove."

The Master could not see how it would matter and agreed.

"Let's do it," said the Master and sat next to the Black side of the board.

As expected, the Boaster removed the f7 pawn. But he didn't stop there. He also took off the g7 pawn.

"Hey! What are you doing?" exclaimed the Master. "I thought the odds were a pawn!"

"Quite so," replied Boaster. "So I must now remove one of my pawns." And proceeded to take off his e2 pawn.

"Checkmate!" Boaster crowed after slamming down his queen at h5.

billwall

Hey, that's my limerick I wrote years ago.

http://www.geocities.com/siliconvalley/lab/7378/limer.htm

DENVERHIGH
billwall wrote:

Hey, that's my limerick I wrote years ago.

http://www.geocities.com/siliconvalley/lab/7378/limer.htm


I liked all the limericks on your URL.

 

Charanjit2921

KNIGHT- only chess-men which flies above the other chess pieces .... :) :) 

kenneth67

Drunken Chess

xqsme
[COMMENT DELETED]
Kernicterus

Kenneth!  Now that looks like a cool game!  You have to drink any piece you take?  

kenneth67
AfafBouardi wrote:

Kenneth!  Now that looks like a cool game!  You have to drink any piece you take?  


Yep; Hi Afaf; trawled it off something like page 54 of Google search "Chess Jokes"(!) - looks like fun. Perhaps the chess won't matter after a few tots; and if you are a bad player it will matter even less as your merriment reaches heightened proportions... (you lose the game, but if the drinks are free... :) Laughing (:

kenneth67

I think I would play better blitz with a frontal lobotomy.

Anyone know a good doctor?

beardogjones

Dr. Lasker or Dr. Nunn.

kenneth67

I'd choose German precision any day!