Chess Jokes

A king and queen are walking through their garden, when they see a bishop with a rope around his neck dangling from a tree branch. The queen asks: What did he do? The king replies:He was loose, now he's hanging.

Fine, please go on, can't wait the part with the joke

George Carlin once asked, "Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?". 

 Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do?" And the other answers, "Same as always, e4." 

A guy gets on a long-distance flight. He's just getting comfortable when somebody sits down next to him. He looks up and wow, it's Garry Kasparov. Kasparov basks for a moment in the recognition. Some way into the flight, the meals are cleared away and Garry produces an elegant little wooden travel chess set. He begins to play. After a while Kasparov asks the guy whether he would like to play chess to kill time. The guy replies, "Hey Garry, You think I don't know who you are?  I can't compete with a world champion."  Kasparov replies, "'How about if I play left handed?" The guy thinks about this for a minute, then agrees. He is demolished in 8 moves, and is inconsolable for the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend, who asks him how the flight was. "It was terrible," he says. "Completely humiliating. I played chess with Garry Kasparov and he beat me in spite of him playing left-handed!" His friend replies - "Ha! You were swindled! Dude, Garry Kasparov is left-handed!!"