13390 Players currently online!
Man vs. Machine - good luck!
Turn-based games at any time!
Vote for the best move to win!
Do you have what it takes?
Backgammon, Yatzy, and more!
Sharpen your tactical vision!
Get advice and game insights!
Learn from top players & pros!
View millions of master games!
Your virtual chess coach!
Perfect your opening moves!
Test your skills vs. computer!
Find the right private coach!
Can you solve it each day?
Bring it all together!
Beginners, start here!
Make friends & play team games!
News from the world of chess!
Search all Chess.com members!
Find local clubs & events!
Who's the best of your friends?
Read what members are saying!
This upcoming season'll probably break you
I agree with Mr. Ainge: it was Smart to replace you
Sad to hear of your career - here! I brought flowers
Like Count Dooku said in episode 2: "My Jedi powers...
are far beyond yours - now, back down."
Play me on the board, yo, I'll take you to Sac-Town
My pawns coalesce into a suitable swarm
Rondo? I liked you better as the musical form
Now let's talk genitals - it's (literally) why we're all here
I told you about the sand in my vag in confidence, dear
But it appears your moral fabric is suspicious and mean
Sharing characteristics with Chancellor Palpatine
My white knight'll put a Harvey Dent in your bastion
and I'll work you as Black like affirmative action
Your play is suspect but shouldn't be investigated
You're a wildcat at heart; you cannot be domesticated
I've played games of bullet chess that lasted longer
Than your total screen time
So why should I even bother?
When I kicked it to Ray coming off a screen set by Garnett
It was enough to make an incrdulous Jar-Jar wet
He proclaimed none better than Rajon
Not Qui-Gon not Obi-Wan
Not even Viswanathan
He musta seen me...
Bumpin elbows with Lebron on the boards
Battling wits with Anand on the board
Puchin out Panaka because I was bored
And now certified by FIDE as Chairman of the Board
The only thing more extensive than my vocabulary
Is my knowledge of advanced chess strategy
I can anticipate a dozen moves in advance
To be frank - you haven't a chance
Around your pieces mine will dance
In a puddle of urine
Originating from your pants
Originating from your pants, a thick froth
I'm fly like X-wing, you fly like squished moth
Dance with me won't you, frank? We need not fight!
What you doing later on?? -- I've got all knight
Playing punks like you, I be stuntin' dramatically
Plus Jar Jar's always wet...simple Gungan anatomy
"Chairman of the Board"? That's a little misleading
When they just let you stack the chairs up after their meeting
Yes my screen time was short but my performance? Immaculate
Besides it wasn't as brief as someone's stint with the Mavericks...
Battling me, Mr. Rondo never could impress
Blaster on the hip bring a new meaning to bullet chess
So give Captain your full respect bitch I deserve it!
Your raps match your trade value.....worthless.
Just for this Obi-Wan gon' let me sport his sword
To slay the losing King of the court and board.
I respect you though Rondo - your shit has layers
This thread's like chess: 64 squares/2 playas
I'm fittin' to team up with this former Celtic
against any bitches who be thinkin' they can spit
i'm open for business, whippin' up disses
flippin my finger, trippin up bishops
hittin' the chess clubs, winning the big cups
sippin' from 'em, sittin on my shitty bum-bum
ba-bum bum-bum ba-ba-bum
I'm so pre-emptive
pitch you my shit like Dempster
check the temperature
you a phlegm gremlin
feminine, unkempt, yet i'ma legend
you checkin for a mate, while i find seven
unkind and devilish you're tepid
left behind as I grind the flesh of your brethren, check it
all you motherf**ers....why you hatin'?
don't make me and yoda come thru wit gary payton
and christian laettner, i'm chillin wit yo chick and baitin her
with this 12 inch knickabocka
you a rap chess waka flocka i'm 2pacapablanca
my rhymes phattest headed for status of a mogul
you ain't hot to these kids, Jared Fogle
i'm a mixture of Psyduck and Snubbull
mind you I'm troubled
You are a big joke to me,
and I find it laughable that you consider yourself hard.
I've seen your attempts at protecting a queen -
talk about an uncoordinated shooting guard.
Let me tell you sometheen
I have a lucky green time machine
I take it back in time you see
To long ago and far away Galaxies
I, Rondo, renedezvous
Wit m'boys Lando and Windu
We shoot some hoops,
and we don't invite you
To the time machine again
This time Poland is my locational entry
right around the begining of the 20th cent'ry
Here I have a great time -
trading queens with my friend Akiba Rubenstein
While upon a splendid feast we dine -
and empty bottles of fine polish wine...
All of this and I still make it back to my time in time
to drop the finest dime
To m'boy Willie Cauley-Stein
My game's a vibrant blossom
For the construction of the universe -
My style's a microcosm
My prowess spans decades
Whatever chump preceded my
I guarantee I'm an upgrade
And ev'ry pawn that's impeded me
Like ya wife's honey nut cheerio
Wash it down with gatorade
Check out the squad that I'm bringin' since now the plot's thickened:
Ibaka, Nimzowitch, Andrew Wiggins and Botvinnik
Don't forget Panaka, puttin' on a shot clinic
Off the bench: Nakamura, Marcus Smart 'n' Olynyk
Carter Williams, Tartakower, Chris Paul and Tal
Everytime these motherfu**ers come to ball, you bawl
Watch in awe as all your pawns'll fall
Rondo's shit is unwatchable.....better call saul
Keep Lando -- bad friend betrayed Han in a second
Only thing lower than that's your 3-pt. percentage
You can swallow my wife's nut, if that's what you're into
But I haven't seen Mace since he flew out the Windu
I'm Captain, 'tween you and Rodney, I pick Mr. Stuckey
Bitch, you sucky whyonchu go back to Kentucky...
Playoff atmosphere - observe the crazy turns that the night takes
My turn? Great! *Handshake* Checkmate as the knight takes
Panaka, you great, but your name sound like Binaca,
A breath spray, yo Dude, ya got some nasty ass breathah,
My queenside pawns can destroy in an instant
Ya best be (Uh-uh!) defensive and piquant
Look alive pal Panaka, your king's eyes are so wide,
Sh#*, he swim in Formaldehyde,
My pawns march on open knight and bishop files
You can't stop 'em or defile 'em
Your jaw drops in amazement as I tackle your whole show
The curtain is closin' on the game you are playin'
Cuz my horsey-team hits ya wit' the double hoof action.
They parade to your castle and knock down the door
Like Trojan ponies they ruin your king's faction
Coup d'etat, pa-Panaka, your Queen-Ho is toast
She showed some bravado but was killed by my HORSE.
Picture the most moist oyster scent
That you can tolerate
A gaseous toxic texture that sets next to you
And makes it difficult to concentrate
With this spatula
I fan some flatulence at you
You’re held captive
Not a captain
I'm just reacting
To your actions
A tactic so dramatic
that I become addicted to the conflict
Is there art in attack?
It’s an imperfect verdict
But here’s how I see it
- Show respect and expect respect
- Accept lessons in defeat
- Display humility in victory
"I'm a seafarer and I like my shit fitted"
- that was the sailor's take for the tailor's sake
get me in a game i'll bake up a maelstrom
reduce men to poppin pills - their skills failed 'em
I got they ass, maybe I'll mail it to 'em
I trap they pieces and impale 'em stupid
remorseless horse checks in a molten vortex
hit you wit more checks, you should never ignore threats
when I conjure them, sicilian, i hop in the gondola
i'ma monster dominatin witta onslaught thats harming ya
your armory is naught v. my positional harmony
have your lady sent on me to party, please pardon me
when i beat you, i leave you with no square to flee to
the pieces translucent but your position is see-through
i'm a veritable kobayashi to your oscar meyer
my flow is natural, no mark mcguire
reach a critical position and i start the fire
stop to admire my king aloft in a guarded spire
victory L's i gots my kinfolk sparkin
quick-hittin' slow opponents in the nimzo-larsen
stave you off in the najdorf, homie don't play soft
foes know me to create amazing play off
even the most incipid, simplistic construction
any endgame affront met with oft-instant combustion
accute high-octane octopussian tendencies
in the knight v. bishop occupy the amenities
control key squares, beware, you gettin caught on the board
your best move is to offer a draw...
"Panaka declined the draw offer"
rondo09 he show some words for the wise,
for any chess playah, you pay attention and read . . .
Yo' game will be crumb if you're movin' too dumb
Don't leave that horse hangin', support it with some-
Thing like a choirboy, Bro', or maybe a pawn,
You got to open up avenues
For your rook to grab revenues
And set a course fo' yo' Queenie-girl
To sail on diagonal
You don't need to be brainiac
like Magnus or Fischer,
Just play at your best speed
You ain't no Apollo Creed!
You'll take a few wins
And maybe some losses
But enjoy the game chess
And just don't blunder those hosses!
Ramp up your B-game,
Turn it into an A-game,
Bring your gambits and forks
And you can lay down those dorks!
My cortex is a forest...
Lively with scores of, Ty-rannosaurus
Vibrant with gorgeous flora...
Pine trees soar divinely with an aura
of peace on the breeze...
the season's deeds treat the gleaming streaks of leaves
yellows, reds, orange, browns and greens
there's streams and creeks and geese and sheep
But still I'll feign you and frame you, and defame you -
And Andy Dufraine you, crawling through a pipe o' poo
I'll drain you heathens into the sewer, Hedo Turkoglu
Manure in your hair, soupy, sub-human doo-doo
Flush yo bitch-ass in a hurry, I'm in a rush, hush
I'll expose your hemoglobin, cut you open, it gush
i'm untrustworthy, but nodody trusts
when I tell 'em watch out or I'll truck you in a bus in the buff
Can't cuff a man who's just as likely
to cut his own arms off, to make him more slippery
custody is a bluster, a bluff, from stuffy schmucks
in blue uni's as I dutifully thrust what I must till I bust
flustered yet, custies? I buck like mushing huskies in slush
got 'em as pups, they were fluffy and plush
gluttony led to stuffing me and puffing me butt up
but such things don't mean much to me, you suck, shut up
it's been a while cuz my style's most prophylactic
i'm a 'star' with tactics, nah, -- "so galactic", that it's
tragic when a patzer battle down to the last hit
but i've grown didactic, i ain't moanin' a tad bit
Know, I've never known watching my throne overthrown
skills ain't overblown (no), you barer than a polar clone
mirror image scary incision in the position, precision
is the mission, visitors flinch in sicilians, glisten
does my pieces, stylish in double-sided fleeces
...............................i ain't bein' facetious
roll by ya castle and i blast you where the wreath is
i'm fiendish...you speechless, depleted so peace bitch
Keep me in your dreams
Sleep seems so serine
Find peace in pieces
As the distance increases
between you and me
I've had it
You want it
You can have it
I'd rather look back on it
And recall it with fondness
But I'm silly
And rarely see things clearly
I be comin' on strong
Wi' my March Madness song
I take my game to the hoop
All the hustlahs I'll dupe
Either Chess or in roundball
I'm the King of the Court, y'all
Dare to put soldiers
Out there against me
I'll mow 'em all down
Wi' my horse attack, Pard' me?
My ponies are stallions
Crafty and flawless
They rush outta da stable
And they become lawless
With their hooves all against ya
You got no chance to win, Bustah!
I see the signs
That you about to resign, Jack,
So cry, take yo' set home
And don't evah come back!!!
by Shrekt 5 minutes ago
Why is my opponent not replying?
by WMDappi 15 minutes ago
average time per move
by Turbosammy 16 minutes ago
5/24/2016 - V. Korchnoi-V.Chekhover, USSR Ch semi-final 1951
by lioness1 17 minutes ago
if you don't play with queens, you will lose!
by Stromlind 17 minutes ago
by dedale800 19 minutes ago
Tales of a Septuagenarian
by solskytz 19 minutes ago
by Turbosammy 21 minutes ago
Pancakes or Waffles
by stuzzicadenti 64 minutes ago
by NKT73 67 minutes ago
Why Join | Chess Topics |
Help & Support |
© 2016 Chess.com
• Chess - English
We are working hard to make Chess.com available in over 70 languages. Check back over the year as we develop the technology to add more, and we will try our best to notify you when your language is ready for translating!