chess rap

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #161


  • 9 months ago · Quote · #162


  • 9 months ago · Quote · #163


  • 9 months ago · Quote · #164


    This upcoming season'll probably break you

    I agree with Mr. Ainge: it was Smart to replace you

    Sad to hear of your career - here! I brought flowers

    Like Count Dooku said in episode 2: "My Jedi powers...

    are far beyond yours - now, back down."

    Play me on the board, yo, I'll take you to Sac-Town

    My pawns coalesce into a suitable swarm

    Rondo? I liked you better as the musical form

    Now let's talk genitals - it's (literally) why we're all here

    I told you about the sand in my vag in confidence, dear

    But it appears your moral fabric is suspicious and mean

    Sharing characteristics with Chancellor Palpatine

    My white knight'll put a Harvey Dent in your bastion

    and I'll work you as Black like affirmative action

    Your play is suspect but shouldn't be investigated

    You're a wildcat at heart; you cannot be domesticated

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #165


    Hey Panaka,

    I've played games of bullet chess that lasted longer

    Than your total screen time

    So why should I even bother?


    When I kicked it to Ray coming off a screen set by Garnett

    It was enough to make an incrdulous Jar-Jar wet

    He proclaimed none better than Rajon

    Not Qui-Gon not Obi-Wan

    Not even Viswanathan


    He musta seen me...

    Bumpin elbows with Lebron on the boards

    Battling wits with Anand on the board

    Puchin out Panaka because I was bored

    And now certified by FIDE as Chairman of the Board


    The only thing more extensive than my vocabulary

    Is my knowledge of advanced chess strategy

    I can anticipate a dozen moves in advance

    To be frank - you haven't a chance

    Around your pieces mine will dance

    In a puddle of urine

    Originating from your pants

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #166


    Originating from your pants, a thick froth

    I'm fly like X-wing, you fly like squished moth

    Dance with me won't you, frank? We need not fight!

    What you doing later on?? -- I've got all knight

    Playing punks like you, I be stuntin' dramatically

    Plus Jar Jar's always wet...simple Gungan anatomy

    "Chairman of the Board"? That's a little misleading

    When they just let you stack the chairs up after their meeting

    Yes my screen time was short but my performance? Immaculate

    Besides it wasn't as brief as someone's stint with the Mavericks...

    Battling me, Mr. Rondo never could impress

    Blaster on the hip bring a new meaning to bullet chess

    So give Captain your full respect bitch I deserve it!

    Your raps match your trade value.....worthless.

    Just for this Obi-Wan gon' let me sport his sword

    To slay the losing King of the court and board.

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #167


    I respect you though Rondo - your shit has layers

    This thread's like chess: 64 squares/2 playas

    I'm fittin' to team up with this former Celtic

    against any bitches who be thinkin' they can spit

    i'm open for business, whippin' up disses

    flippin my finger, trippin up bishops

    hittin' the chess clubs, winning the big cups

    sippin' from 'em, sittin on my shitty bum-bum

    ba-bum bum-bum ba-ba-bum

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #168


    I'm so pre-emptive

    pitch you my shit like Dempster

    check the temperature

    you a phlegm gremlin

    feminine, unkempt, yet i'ma legend

    you checkin for a mate, while i find seven

    unkind and devilish you're tepid

    left behind as I grind the flesh of your brethren, check it

    all you motherf**ers....why you hatin'?

    don't make me and yoda come thru wit gary payton

    and christian laettner, i'm chillin wit yo chick and baitin her

    with this 12 inch knickabocka

    you a rap chess waka flocka i'm 2pacapablanca

    my rhymes phattest headed for status of a mogul

    you ain't hot to these kids, Jared Fogle

    i'm a mixture of Psyduck and Snubbull

    mind you I'm troubled

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #169


    Dear Panaka,

    You are a big joke to me,

    and I find it laughable that you consider yourself hard.

    I've seen your attempts at protecting a queen -

    talk about an uncoordinated shooting guard.


    Let me tell you sometheen

    I have a lucky green time machine

    I take it back in time you see

    To long ago and far away Galaxies


    I, Rondo, renedezvous

    Wit m'boys Lando and Windu

    We shoot some hoops,

    and we don't invite you


    To the time machine again

    This time Poland is my locational entry

    right around the begining of the 20th cent'ry

    Here I have a great time - 

    trading queens with my friend Akiba Rubenstein

    While upon a splendid feast we dine - 

    and empty bottles of fine polish wine...

    All of this and I still make it back to my time in time

    to drop the finest dime

    To m'boy Willie Cauley-Stein


    Bass Line


    My game's a vibrant blossom

    For the construction of the universe -

    My style's a microcosm

    My prowess spans decades

    Whatever chump preceded my 

    I guarantee I'm an upgrade

    And ev'ry pawn that's impeded me

    I swallowed

    Like ya wife's honey nut cheerio

    Wash it down with gatorade

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #170


    Check out the squad that I'm bringin' since now the plot's thickened:

    Ibaka, Nimzowitch, Andrew Wiggins and Botvinnik

    Don't forget Panaka, puttin' on a shot clinic

    Off the bench: Nakamura, Marcus Smart 'n' Olynyk

    Carter Williams, Tartakower, Chris Paul and Tal

    Everytime these motherfu**ers come to ball, you bawl

    Watch in awe as all your pawns'll fall

    Rondo's shit is unwatchable.....better call saul

    Keep Lando -- bad friend betrayed Han in a second

    Only thing lower than that's your 3-pt. percentage

    You can swallow my wife's nut, if that's what you're into

    But I haven't seen Mace since he flew out the Windu

    I'm Captain, 'tween you and Rodney, I pick Mr. Stuckey

    Bitch, you sucky whyonchu go back to Kentucky...

    Playoff atmosphere - observe the crazy turns that the night takes

    My turn? Great! *Handshake* Checkmate as the knight takes

  • 9 months ago · Quote · #171


    Panaka, you great, but your name sound like Binaca,

    A breath spray, yo Dude, ya got some nasty ass breathah,

    My queenside pawns can destroy in an instant

    Ya best be (Uh-uh!) defensive and piquant

    Look alive pal Panaka, your king's eyes are so wide,

    Sh#*, he swim in Formaldehyde,

    My pawns march on open knight and bishop files

    You can't stop 'em or defile 'em

    Your jaw drops in amazement as I tackle your whole show

    The curtain is closin' on the game you are playin'

    Cuz my horsey-team hits ya wit' the double hoof action.

    They parade to your castle and knock down the door

    Like Trojan ponies they ruin your king's faction

    Coup d'etat, pa-Panaka, your Queen-Ho is toast

    She showed some bravado but was killed by my HORSE.

  • 8 months ago · Quote · #172


    Picture the most moist oyster scent

    That you can tolerate


    A gaseous toxic texture that sets next to you

    And makes it difficult to concentrate 


    With this spatula 

    I fan some flatulence at you


    Distractive, unattractive

    You’re held captive


    Not a captain

    I'm just reacting

    To your actions 


    A tactic so dramatic

    that I become addicted to the conflict


    Is there art in attack?

    It’s an imperfect verdict

    But here’s how I see it

    - Show respect and expect respect

    - Accept lessons in defeat

    - Display humility in victory

  • 6 months ago · Quote · #173


    "I'm a seafarer and I like my shit fitted"

    - that was the sailor's take for the tailor's sake

    get me in a game i'll bake up a maelstrom

    reduce men to poppin pills - their skills failed 'em

    I got they ass, maybe I'll mail it to 'em

    I trap they pieces and impale 'em stupid

    remorseless horse checks in a molten vortex

    hit you wit more checks, you should never ignore threats

    when I conjure them, sicilian, i hop in the gondola

    i'ma monster dominatin witta onslaught thats harming ya

    your armory is naught v. my positional harmony

    have your lady sent on me to party, please pardon me

    when i beat you, i leave you with no square to flee to

    the pieces translucent but your position is see-through

    i'm a veritable kobayashi to your oscar meyer

    my flow is natural, no mark mcguire

    reach a critical position and i start the fire

    stop to admire my king aloft in a guarded spire

    victory L's i gots my kinfolk sparkin

    quick-hittin' slow opponents in the nimzo-larsen

    stave you off in the najdorf, homie don't play soft

    foes know me to create amazing play off

    even the most incipid, simplistic construction

    any endgame affront met with oft-instant combustion

    accute high-octane octopussian tendencies

    in the knight v. bishop occupy the amenities

    control key squares, beware, you gettin caught on the board

    your best move is to offer a draw...

    "Panaka declined the draw offer"

  • 6 months ago · Quote · #174


    rondo09 he show some words for the wise,

    for any chess playah, you pay attention and read . . .

    - Accept lessons in defeat

    - Display humility in victory

    Yo' game will be crumb if you're movin' too dumb

    Don't leave that horse hangin', support it with some-

    Thing like a choirboy, Bro', or maybe a pawn,

    You got to open up avenues

    For your rook to grab revenues

    And set a course fo' yo' Queenie-girl

    To sail on diagonal

    You don't need to be brainiac

    like Magnus or Fischer,

    Just play at your best speed

    You ain't no Apollo Creed!

    You'll take a few wins

    And maybe some losses

    But enjoy the game chess

    And just don't blunder those hosses!

    Ramp up your B-game,

    Turn it into an A-game,

    Bring your gambits and forks

    And you can lay down those dorks!


  • 6 months ago · Quote · #175


    My cortex is a forest...

    Lively with scores of, Ty-rannosaurus

    Vibrant with gorgeous flora...

    Pine trees soar divinely with an aura

    of peace on the breeze...

    the season's deeds treat the gleaming streaks of leaves

    yellows, reds, orange, browns and greens

    there's streams and creeks and geese and sheep

    But still I'll feign you and frame you, and defame you -

    And Andy Dufraine you, crawling through a pipe o' poo

    I'll drain you heathens into the sewer, Hedo Turkoglu

    Manure in your hair, soupy, sub-human doo-doo

    Flush yo bitch-ass in a hurry, I'm in a rush, hush

    I'll expose your hemoglobin, cut you open, it gush

    i'm untrustworthy, but nodody trusts

    when I tell 'em watch out or I'll truck you in a bus in the buff

    Can't cuff a man who's just as likely

    to cut his own arms off, to make him more slippery

    custody is a bluster, a bluff, from stuffy schmucks

    in blue uni's as I dutifully thrust what I must till I bust

    flustered yet, custies? I buck like mushing huskies in slush

    got 'em as pups, they were fluffy and plush

    gluttony led to stuffing me and puffing me butt up

    but such things don't mean much to me, you suck, shut up

  • 3 months ago · Quote · #176


    it's been a while cuz my style's most prophylactic

    i'm a 'star' with tactics, nah, -- "so galactic", that it's

    tragic when a patzer battle down to the last hit

    but i've grown didactic, i ain't moanin' a tad bit

    Know, I've never known watching my throne overthrown

    skills ain't overblown (no), you barer than a polar clone

    mirror image scary incision in the position, precision

    is the mission, visitors flinch in sicilians, glisten

    does my pieces, stylish in double-sided fleeces

    ...............................i ain't bein' facetious

    roll by ya castle and i blast you where the wreath is

    i'm speechless, depleted so peace bitch

  • 3 months ago · Quote · #177


    Keep me in your dreams

    Sleep seems so serine

    Find peace in pieces

    As the distance increases

    between you and me


    That's it

    I've had it

    You want it

    You can have it

    I'd rather look back on it 

    And recall it with fondness 


    But I'm silly

    And rarely see things clearly 

  • 9 weeks ago · Quote · #178


    I be comin' on strong

    Wi' my March Madness song

    I take my game to the hoop

    All the hustlahs I'll dupe

    Either Chess or in roundball

    I'm the King of the Court, y'all

    Dare to put soldiers

    Out there against me

    I'll mow 'em all down

    Wi' my horse attack, Pard' me?

    My ponies are stallions

    Crafty and flawless

    They rush outta da stable

    And they become lawless

    With their hooves all against ya

    You got no chance to win, Bustah!

    I see the signs

    That you about to resign, Jack,

    So cry, take yo' set home

    And don't evah come back!!!

  • 9 weeks ago · Quote · #179



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