chess related jokes

Chuck Norris once sacrificed his king..and won. The most interesting man in the world onced lost a game of chess, just to see what it feels like to lose.

Chess master walks into psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a clear plastic sheet. Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see you're nuts".

Sometimes stupid is funny. Your post, not funny. Fail.

A chess master is playing chess with his dog. Spectator says "Man, that dog is really smart!" Chess master says, "he's not so smart, I beat him 2 out of 3"

A knight is driving home after a long day at work. He is pulled over at an RBT site. The knight doesn't mind being breath tested as he doesn't drink alcohol. The police officer says to him, "the breathalyzer isn't working, so to see whether or not you are drunk, I'll get you to hop out of the car and walk in a straight line for me." The knight: "Oh s***!"

Chess master and dog walk into a bar. "Set us up with some drinks and I'll make the dog talk". Bartender, "This I gotta see". He pours the drinks. The chess master turns to the dog and says, "What's your favorite chess piece?", and the dog responds, "Ruhk, ruhk, ruhk, ruhk!" Bartender scratches his head "Well, I don't know..." "Well, he's just thirsty, set us up with another drink so he can wet his whistle", says the chess master. So they get another round. Then the chess master turns to the dog and says, "Who's your favorite chess player?" Dog responds "raooool, raooool, raoo-oo-oollll!" The bartender is starting to realize that he's being had, but the chess master calms him down, "Look, I promise you, this dog is amazing. Especially when he gets a little lit. Gi' im one more round (and one for me too)." They drink their drinks, then the chess master looks at the dog and says, "Alright then, tell us, what's your favorite opening?" The dog goes "Roi, roi roi. Roi roi roi roi!" The bartender loses it and grabs his night stick from under the bar and slams it on the bar. "You took my liquor for this fraud? Get the heck out of here and don't come back!" He throws the chess master out into the gutter. Dog sits down beside him and says, "Maybe I should have said Sheveshnikov?"

Yeah that's where I got the joke from

Well come on then Franken_Berry, gimme a trophy!

Marxist Chess wins

Chess master: "What's wrong with me doc? I can't seem to win a game anymore. And when I play, I get the weirdest feelings. First I feel like a teepee. Then I feel like a wigwam." Psychiatrist: "You just need to relax. You're two tents."

Two players chat at the chess club :

"Last time my wife said she couldn't handle it anymore, that I was really an addict, and that if I went to the tournament tomorrow she would divorce"

"Oh, that's bad dude. What are you going to do ?"

"I don't know. Probably 1.e4."

Tribute to English Opener Comedienne Dawn French who jokes about her female endowments as " Chess-Tickles"

Zugswang Dawn !

lol funny

yeah i agree nice pics

Chuck Norris Jokes don't know how to fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two strategists are are playinga a game of chess. A tactician watching the game speaks up, saying "Forgive me for interrupting, but I believe i see an excellent opportunity for white at this move. A sacrifice of the queen. If blocks with the rook, it is mate 5. Should he move his king instead, it is mate in 7!"

The player playing white asks "And what if he just takes my queen with his pawn?"

"That," answered the tactician, "is the only variation I have not yet analysed!"

that just happend in my game i thought i could give up the bishop pair  for either mate or winning his queen, but i analysed it wrong and now he just got my bishop pair. Anyway good joke... 

Actually i would have thought it would be the other way around.