You, my good sir, are a wise fellow.
How to be Grandmaster
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He's good at math, too
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burnside's_lemma
Wait, if
1. e4 e5
2. Bc4 Bc5
3. Qh5 g6
4. Qxe5+ something
5. Qxh8 ragequit#
are all the best moves, does that mean that General Burnside has solved chess?
Nobody mention Fredricksburg or you'll hurt the OP's feelings.
@ morris. enslingsh was way idifeirient in 1800s. uwouldnt get it , u teensager....
@bentley.... fredireciskely was RNG at teha max, even pro wuold looose to it...
@mathslayerszzzz.... yez,,, chess ic easyt game, move to more beterar gamesz pllz, nobb. spazkys was noob cuz he diidnt know mizdmgame
u rae caling mee nobb?
Buttt i guesz everon si noob t yU, sinse u hav hundres of yers of nollege
Okay, HELLO folks. Now before I get started in telling you how to be liek a grandmaster(pro) instead of what you are now (noob), I shuld giv u some background info so u kno that Im legit.
I was a genral in the civil waer, back in 1860s.i won the war for the north cuz im’ a g0do gen. how did I get to be a good gen you may ask? By playing chess oaf COURsE! i was gambiting and piece sac’n all over the place in my battles, AND in the end, i capped the confederate king cuz I learnt stuff from chess.
my chess set (circa 1862)
Incedentalliy, my cred should be increased on count i invented sideburns. If u take a good looks at my face, u can see my sweet burns that connct to my stash.
Okay, so iv had a bunch of u peeps ask me, aintcha dead brnsides? well NO, c when me n bobby lee raided the approximiate court house, we klld jefy d n were reward wih immortrality by the spirt of merrcia 4 winnig civil war.
So I play chess after I retired from the army. i became a gm (PRO), mny times in my long lifetim. U may hav hrd of me, when I pld chess. I went by mrphy and den robby fishr
(me as young man)
So now u know I am pro. Alls the XP I got frum playing chses over 200 yrs makes me the foresmosts expert on chess.
Oaakay, now here is ur first move.
1.e4
(oaky, so, e4, moves ur pon into the center of the broad. All pros use this opnening sence it’s the onel good 1. Iv seen many n00bs over the years try stuff like 1.d4, 1.c4, and even 1.g4!?. now lemme tell u whut happen when they use those openings. I BEAT THEM, since they werent usin good openings.
In conclusion, 1.e4 is the only move that is used at the top level of oplay cuz its soooo imba.
OKAY NOW THAT WE HAV THAT SETTLED
Lets look at ur opponents possible responses.
1...c5
oaky, this is caaulled the siciily defincse.
historically sicilsy haz never been a military poweer, n its like italy junior. Plus iza small iland in the south. O-k? like a boot kicking a cat. but that’s got nothi to do wit chess right? Okay, not let us dicuss y sicily is a bad move.
1.Underdevlovoeprdment- okey, pawns arr your worst piece. Y attack with ur worst weps first? I mean, back when I was a gen, like soilders were pwans, so insteada sending em out first, id send my cannons and calverly.
Now obv there arent cannons in chess, so u send calvery,being ur horse. Thatd way u have your best weps attackin. I mean wih sicily, ur sending your soilders to attack first, instead send horse to job.
2.. u keep ur bishops BLCOEKDS, BISDHOPS ARE THE ATVS of chess!
U need the shops to get out there, since sun tzu taught us ttdthat atvs r good since terrain wins fights.
Inc onclusoin, play sicily if u wanna hav fun, n dont mind losing every game.
Okey, imagine this scenario.Ya sit down at the tourney, and ur opponent is there across u, with a 12pack of both red bull n mountain dew, drinkin a can every couple mins. N he’s snackin on cheesy gordita crunches liek sunflorwe seeds
then he maeks THIS MOVE.
O man, thaz sum scaaarry stuff there, now iv been in that sitruation b4. So I can tell u wat 2 do.
1.. Play good
2. fight fire wit fire
3. gg 1-0
ITS like, u know u win already,y but ur still nerviosu that u lose right? But no matter what, ,you win.
1….nc6
this IS OBV inferiossr to nf6, ur not even attaking ur opponets pown. Why WOULDNtT u play 1…..nf6? END OF DISCUSSION.
1……e6
THE FRENCH
first off, nevr trust a frnchmen 2 defend a chss king, day kent evan dfend a country! Im just kidding.(not rrly). Noe, lets look at why u autowin.
2.d4. u send nother pawn in the chezzone. U ha v 2 bodygaurds rdy to pummel and beat up ur opponents pieces. Don’t bleave me? Look!
2….. nf6 or nf3, THEN YOU PUSH PAWN! Then his horse has to MOVE again! Soon the horse will tire and itd be ez to hit. go BOOM BANG!!
Or 2….. d5, now if ur opponent does this, he’ls like awwwh crap, I screwed up my first moove, mayb if I try attak now, my opponent will blundor and I win! WRONG! U kill ur opponents men, and WIN! Ur opponent b like OU EST LE METRO PRADDON!???
Thats ze French 4 “i shantdnt pley a france defence”
I been naysayin lots of dfense, so u ask, WHAT U PLAY WHEN U BLACK BURNSDE? I tell u if u kep secert. I dont play crawp liek f5, b5, or heck even g5. Only mov I do is e5!
e5=the bambino. The Bambino dfense is withuot dout tha best one.
We alrrdy kno that e4 is the best 1st move. By playin bambino, u show that u havur best move. Whites gonna b all like, WHOA. bambino, what a pro. It has indimidation, likes 1…nf6S!!!! CEPT IT WINS!
Now lets ay ur white, n blacks over ther with a 12 pck of livewire n a bag of popcorn n some hershes, and he goes bambino on u, oh man, that scary.
my dad even has trouble agianst that, but im southern gentlemen so i help u out
2. bc4
Okay, now early will discussed how bshops r the atvs o f ches. they see terrain. sun tzu used em, ghankis ghan used em, and even robby lee used em 2 scout terran. U get a HUUUGE tacktical + by knowin ther terrn. I once had a student, n I reaver dropped him, n then he lose, and I knew where to get em sinc I knew terran were n00b.
Makin sur u hav more fun than ur opponent is the entire POINT of chess. That y u need ur bishop to decimate ur opponent.
ur enemie is no dummy. How 2 respond to 2.bc4? u ask? Lets look at ur picks.
1. Any pawn move is dubm, y u askZ? Cuz i got my shop ni the mid of the field. What could ur pawns POSSIBLY DO? NOW LET LLOOK AT WUR GOOD PIECES!!!!!
2. Calvry- horse good jumping, horse good fightcha, heck horse good at track n field. But y not send castel out? Its waaaaay strongrE
3. bbshiph, iv raved bout it yesterday, n ill rave bout it today, and tommorow, next week and NEXT MONTH! THEYRE THE BEST<3 VRROROOOOOOM!!!!!
4. rookz/castel/w/e ur callin them. Bak in the civil war, we called em rock candy. This be the piece u wanna deploy, BUT WAITITITITTITT!!!!
u see problem here right? Scroll down plz for answere
The mirror!
Its like ur playin aginst yourself. that guy prob kows ur next move alrady, real scary. praticle too! Keepin the mooves the same guarentees equality n chess, + your on the way 2 gettin rook in fight.
aad tis ponit, u gota get ur highness uout ther,. qeens godta xcersise ,yo. shes OP too, liek moar imba than a rok n a pencil on scale. Place him on h5, so blacks f-pawn cant move.
nowz heres endgame. Ur scrub opponentz gonna do 1 follown.
4…Qh4- then ya GO QF&!!!! CHECKARMERMATE!!!! miror only wokrs 4 so long.
4….Nf6- U GO QF7!!!! CHEKCMATETIM!!!!!!
4….g6- this prob meas they c the chekamt cmoin, so they try bein cute. BUTTT THEN 5.QE5+, blck swears at u, 6. QH8 take rok, black RAGE quits. 1-0.
bout 20 other thins pple can try, but either queen killz theyre knig, or they zjust lose.
Thx you, id wrote more later