My Friend's Chess Comedy Routine, Featuring Unnamed Members

"Now, I want to tell you about my encounter that I have with 4 women who I have played chess with on chess.com. For good measure, let's throw in my wife. Now, I am going to start with the West Coast and progress to the East Coast of the United States. Now, there are 7 wonders of the this great world we live in, but I am adding an eighth wonder: having my West Coast Friend pick up her messages from Chess.Com. It is like a human walking on water. That is impossible. That feat belongs to Jesus. Now, progressing to the Midwest: I have another chess.com friend who I am also friends with on Facebook . She has poked me so many times I am paralyzed from the neck down. And I cannot even retain water because of all the holes she put into me. I do not know which game we are playing: chess or poker. "I will see your 2 pokes and raise you 2. I mean really!" First it started out as 2 pokes; then it progressed to 15. Talk about inflation. Now it is time to travel to the Far East Coast of the United States. I have another friend who loves to tease me, If you fart the wrong way, breathe the wrong way, she wants to call the police. So I said to her, "That is cool. I'll be waiting. I will invite them over for supper." She did not like that response. Now, still in the East Coast of the United States. I have this East Coast critic. Who died and made her chief critic? I do not think she would know good humor if it was stamped on her head. Now for the kicker, my wife. I was trying to teach her how to play chess, and that was a nightmare, And I was wide awake! Have you guys ever had to wall? Well, I have my wife: "Honey the pieces move like this, This is Check, This is Checkmate." She asks, "Are you sure? I do not think so." Mind you, she knows nothing about chess. Now I could fend off 2 but 5? That is impossible. That is like playing chess and you have a few pawns and your opponent has all of his or her pieces. Now I am not asking for any sympathy by any means, but come on, give this guy a break. I keep asking myself, "What did I do to deserve this?" And the answer is the same: NOTHING!!!!!! Now I am going to be serious for a brief moment and I do mean a brief moment. I was just kidding with my wife - or was I? But I still love her. Now, as far as these 4 female friends of mine, they have become great friends of mine and my wife. And any friend of mine is a friend of my wife. These are very brilliant and intelligent women whom I do respect. I have played them all over in chess, and I have more losses than grains of sand in the oceans. Okay, the brief moment is up now. Thaaaat's all folks! 

Ha ha ha ha. Unnamed members. Take this to an improv club. "A funny thing happened on the way to the chess forum." I can also picture Jimmy Durante relaying this in his joke-singing style. If he were alive that is.  Funny material!