OTB remarks.

Im sure this has been discussed before.  But I would like to develop a repetoire of fun, distracting or annoying remarks to give me a little edge OTB.

-So far when i get my knight on a good central outpost behind enemy pawns i say: behold my noble steed!!!

-I was thinking (upon forking the king and queen) about saying: Sir Lancelot, you dog you!!!

-Maybe when im about to promote a pawn ill tap my king, face him to the captured queen thats sitting next to the board and say: Im coming for you baby!!!

-When im about to promote a second queen the initial queen will say: "and WHO is THIS tramp?!?!?" Then the king will say: "Nah baby shes nobody, just a secretary to help around the palace."

Also which can annoy ppl is:

Calling a pawn a "man," the knight a "horse," the bishop a "priest," the rook a "castle" and most importantly when your muttering to yourself always replace "take" or "capture" with eat.(eg. if he eats him, then he will eat him who could eat him, but maybe he shouldn't....hmmm....maybe it would be in his interest to eat him instead!)

Also you could mutter wrong openings to yourself.  For example if you just moved Bb5 into the ruy lopez you could mutter: him i think ill go into the sicilian....

Ideas anyone?

play otb must be cool ,but i have not pl so far 

I think it would be funny to call the pieces by the wrong names, or imply that you don't know what they're called or how to play.  For example, call the rook a castle as you stated above, the knight a "horsey guy," a bishop a "little pointy-headed guy,"  a queen as a "short crowned guy" (and be sure to call her a "guy") the king as the "cross-headed guy," and the pawns as "knob-headed dudes."  Be sure to ask if it's OK if you move your piece here or there if it's a really brilliant move.  If they win, they'll think they beat someone who's just learning to play and the win won't matter much to them.  If you beat them, they'll likely suffer an inferiority complex thinking they just lost to someone who is just learning to play.

Utter more than a couple such remarks in an OTB game and your opponent will likely call the tournament director. Distracting your opponent is verboten

Opponent: You touched the king, only allowed to move him now.

With your spear and magic helmet?

Magic helmet?

I'm not talking about doing it in a tournament, just during friendly OTB play.  And not that I'd actually really do it except in jest.  "What are these little horses for?"

I think the only thing you could get away with his to talk in a pretend "foreign" langauge.   If you speak a language that your opponent or the TD understands and become to annoying you'll be forfited and lose the game.   However if you pretend that the only language that you have in common is the language of "chess" you might get away with more shennanigins :)

mattDearle wrote:

 "-Maybe when im about to promote a pawn ill tap my king, face him to the captured queen thats sitting next to the board and say: Im coming for you baby!!!"

If you tap your king OTB, you will have to move it ... and will not be able to promote the pawn.

At a recent OTB tourney, I witnessed a player pick up his opponents Q, then touch his K, then his Q.  His intention was to play QxQ ... his opponent yelled "touch move, touch move", and after the TD was called, and he talked to the players in the game and the surrounding boards ... the person who touched his K, before he touched his Q, resigned.

In this case, the player clearly picked up his King first.  He was "excited" because he was losing the game and his opponent started to relax and play sub-par moves.  The guy sac'd a Bishop, to be followed by QxQ, but he picked up his K, sat it back down, then picked up his Q to play QxQ.  

I talked to the opponent after the game, he said that he was going to offer a draw because it was clearly a mistake.  But the guy that grabbed the wrong piece was so unreasonable that he decided to not offer the draw.

"Intent" cannot always be determined. True, brushing a piece with your forearm while reaching over it for another piece does not compel the player to move the accidentally brushed piece. However, touching a piece with the forefinger or finger and thumb signals a deliberate touch, and should compel the player to move that piece.

In the example of "Maybe when im about to promote a pawn ill tap my king, face him to the captured queen...," the king must be moved if it is legal to do so, actual "intent" notwithstanding.

The strangest thing that ever happened to me was was in the world amateur a few years ago, the only FIDE tournament I've ever played in.

At about move 10, I left the hall for a smoke. To my surprise, my opponent follwed me and started discussing the game, telling me how he planned to fiancheto his QB, and push pawns on the K side, and what did I think of his plan?

I lost, lol

It's fun to discuss the game with your opponent while playing, I have done it a few times.

I prefer that to an opponent who pretend that you don't exist.

Wow, and here i thought i started a pointless thread...morale of the story:gotta wait a year an a half to get some feedback!lol Also, im not talking about an official tourney with a stranger, i assumed that would be obvious.