Signs you're a bad chess player

1- u call ur knights "horseys"

2- u get bored and leave in the middle of the game

3- u cough excessively to distract ur opponent

4- u blame ur loss on bad karma

5- u keep making illegal moves

6- u calculate with ur fingers the captures and recaptures and still come out mistaken

7- ur only chance of winning or drawing a game is if your opponent was a newly born chimpanzee.

When you try to take out the opponents' pawns with a bowling ball, and miss.

Are you implying that girls are bad players, too? My wife would disagree. 

As well as many other female players on this site.

...

*cough* Natalia Pogonina *cough*

You have spent the requisite 10,000 hours in chess, but posting in forums instead of studying/playing/analyzing.

When this happens:

Clearly, fuller explanation helps avoid miscommunications. Anyway, someone letting an attractive girl win does not necessarily mean that the player is bad in the first place. Chess skill is relative.

You double your oppponents pawns whenever it is possible and award your move a "!" in the post-mortem.

You wish their could be a such thing as "one dimensional chess"

Gazoonthite!

You roll your 20-sided dice and say "pawn attacks e4 square for 8 hitpoint of damage".

If you're like me you think that playing an mmo while a chess video lecture runs in the background counts as a good study session.

Signs your a bad chess player:

• You are looking for a way to improve your game that has immediate results, requires no effort, costs nothing, and lasts forever.

 I did flip the board over once...but I was only ten. Another sign of a bad chess player; you're sure that soon (with a little more practice) you will be able to support yourself by playing chess.

You knock on the bottom of the playing table where your opponents king is to tip it over and claim that your opponent resigned

You make up new rules for new players.