Signs you're a bad chess player

Well, lad...anyone born in '54 is a lad, to me...this is all about humor.

Work on your own averages, you really need it, before telling others what to do.

And, as far as me? I am working on this chess thing as hard as I can...damn cataracts and all.

Lighten up, jerry. Being a bad chess player is God's will. So, don't go around blaming other nice folk...blame God.

Besides, in Andy's case, he is the devil's spawn...a really, really good chess player (except in blitz, of course).

I prefer to think of myself more as the devil's pawn.

Maybe it would be kind of you to give jerry some learning (sic).

I'd do it myself, and I did once teach stuff. But, I'm a hard tack. He wouldn't like it. In fact, I don't think he likes jack squat...except bitchin'. Sorta reminds me of that other old coot...cabby (lol)...who still has me blocked...and is reading this at this very moment...lurker that he is (lol).

Now, on a lighter note...

There are bad chess players. And there are cheap tournament promoters. Which is worse, I don't know...but I think bad and cheap at the same time would be the worse. But, I could be wrong.

Aunt Emily shared this note that Bobby snail mailed (of course "snail mail" wasn't in the vocabulary back then) to his pal, your uncle Louie, to edify (good choice of words...eh?) us on the matter:

 Reshevsky and I are the only ones in America who try (to earn a living from chess). We don't make much. The other masters have outside jobs. Like Rossolimo, he drives a cab. Evans, he works for the movies. The Russians, they get money from the government. We have to depend on tournament prizes. And they're lousy. Maybe a couple hundred bucks. Millionaires back this game, but they're all cheap. Look what they do for golf: thirty thousand dollars for a tournament is nothing. But for chess they give a thousand or two and they think it's a big deal. The tournament has to be named after them, everybody has to bow down to them, play when they want, everything for a couple thousand dollars which is nothing to them anyhow. They take it off their income tax. These people are cheap. It's ridiculous." -- Bobby Fischer 

i had 1300s in zhe begining.ican raise my rateing100 to 150 in a day.but iwoulg rather play competition ihave a good sense of humorihave nothing aginst anyone . good luck all..........

Now that's the spirit!

And, good luck is exactly what most bad chess players desperately need.

well it turns out your Great Great Grandfather played a few games with Morphy.

he was considered the worst in New Orleans, in fact he is the first person to win a bongcloud game via an opponent checkmating.

but then your great great grandfather agreed to a serious game with him as white.

Morphy later used the same opening and won (he was playing with out the b1 knight too)

And yeah, I do suck at blitz, e4...at least nowadays.  Thanks for reminding me.

i like that opening and the end result was pleaseing.....

You are welcome, Andy...I have this "all-seeing-eye" in my pocket. So, I know you are no shlep at blitz.

I liked the bongcloud game. Now, the second game... Any game that has more than 10 moves makes me dizzy.

(Well, I think what I just said may be a lie...out of politeness. But I did actually get drowsy after about the 10th move...the rest was just a blur...but, too, I have these damn cataracts that are kickin' up lately...maybe the game was actually superb...I just can't say.)

And...for cabby's sake, who still has me blocked: lol...I am saying to myself while scratching my backside and yawning at the old coot...lol!

Hello again fellow Earthlings, yes it is cabby the " lurker ''  lol, keep all the of the funny stories coming  rofl.

cabby: Well that was no fun --- please, I beseech you --- post another funny Bobby Fischer story  lol. 

OK...for you. Tell no one. (lol)

Well that was no fun --- I thought that you were going to post another funny Bobby Fischer story  lol. 

Now here, Bobby mentions "automats". Golly, I remember them well.

This would have been in NYC in the early 50ies. I'd go there with my parents; they'd give me a few nickels and I'd walk up to these zillion small windows...maybe 6" x 6"...insert a nickel in a slot and thereby unlock the window and pull out a tuna fish sandwich. Go to another little window and maybe pull out a cherry pie. What you see through the window is what you get.

Everything was a nickel, including a cup of coffee. (In fact, the subway was also a nickel).

There is probably only a rare few reading this who have ever been to a NYC Horn and Hardart "automat". Here, I'll show you a picture:

Mostly what Bobby is about to say is babble talk. However, your uncle Louie would take Bobby to the automat, give him two nickels and say: "Have at it, Bobby!"

God, how Bobby loved the automat and especially the generosity of his dear, sweet pal, Louie...who was helping a struggling/starving chess artist who wasn't earning a farthing at his cruel, parsimonious craft of chessmanship.

"Thank you, Louie!!! Thank you...thank you!!!," Bobby would exclaim, all the while pumping uncle Louie's hand as if it were a tire jack. (That, by the way, is the etymology of the term: Bobbying off.)

Here, then: 

Lots of the time I'm traveling around. Europe, South America, Iceland. But when I'm home, I don't know, I don't do much. I get up at eleven o'clock maybe. I'll get dressed and all, look at some chess books, go downstairs and eat. I never cook my own meals. I don't believe in that stuff. I don't eat in luncheonettes or Automats either. I like a waiter to wait on me. Good restaurants. After I eat I usually call up some of my chess friends, go over and analyze a game or something. Maybe I'll go to a chess club. Then maybe I'll see a movie or something. There's really nothing for me to do. Maybe I'll study some chess book." -- Bobby Fischer

BTW...I haven't heard anyone use the word "luncheonette", which was a commonly used word, since "back in the day".

Here, Bobby is getting custom fitted for a really swell (nobody says "swell" anymore, either) suit, gratis your uncle Louie.

See...just by the radiant, beaming smile on Bobby's face, you can tell that he is fully appreciative of the kindness of a truly crummy chess player, his good pal, your uncle Louie.

Notice, too. the absence of breast pockets which would facilitate the carrying of a genuine, authentic Bobby Fischer pocket magnetic chess set. Bobby, as they say, is "moving on up".

All thanks to uncle Louie, who is also thoughtful enough to be taking this swell photograph which we are all presently enjoying, especially cabby who is probably "Bobbying" as he does so.

Life is good.

yeah, but you can't forget your great great grandfather's best game.

Instead of 12.Nd2, Qxg4.  If d5, Qh4. 

Truly a most memorable game.

Soon as I find a felt-tip pen, I'm gonna annotate it onto my shirt cuff for posterity and in honor of Bobby's memory.

but you have to remember that was in the Romantic day's of chess where a player was looking to create an attacking masterpiece, so of course your Great Great Grandfather skipped the opprotunity for a free knight to win the game in miniature style.