Signs you're a bad chess player

Our very own Bill Wall has one of the better write-ups on Bogart here:

http://www.geocities.com/siliconvalley/lab/7378/bogart.htm

I don't know if that was aimed at me, but I will say that I am a 1600 +/-100 player...yet I have never played here and probably never will. Got my reasons.

After paying Gary Kasparov for 2 years to teach you how to play chess, your parents get discouraged by your 400 rating and tell you that you suck.

Hey, e4nf3, please play here!   We love you.  It's OK if you have your trepidations...we all have issues...but we are CHESSPLAYERS.   We are a family.  Feel the love, bro.  Don't quit what you cannot admit...join the group and be a human.  Get over it and make your best move.

@e4nf3  Not aimed at anyone honest.  I've spent too much time in the forums today and so it just popped out.  lol  I tell people that if anything I say causes you to get upset then you misinterpreted me. 

Not a problem, pal.

Hey, now...

You are a bad chess plaayer if you think Alekhine is a Bavarian beer.

Well, thanks. I do feel the "love". Of course, there are those who hate me. I seem to have that effect on people...love me or hate me -- often both (ask my wife).

Maybe I will, someday. Trepidations have nothing to do with it, either. I spent my youth...age 17 to 21 in the military (U.S.N.) so I ain't afraid of nuthin'...see?

Likewise, you are a bad chess player if you think Alekhine played for the Detroit Tigers...

e4Nf3: No, I do not like.  But you are a soldier and you are tough.  So, you got a spine and you can stand at attention and deliver.  You are a soldier and you should be proud.  When you play chess, I want you to represent the USN and deliver the killer move.  You know you can do it, so do it.  Best regards, D  

Actually, Alekine is a light beer best enjoyed with steak.

Alekhine didn't play for the Tigers?  Wasn't he the youngest player to win the AL batting title? 

Thanks Chaz. I would log that into my diary, except I ain't got no stinkin' diary.

Anyway...  A bad chess player by any other name is NOT a rose.

and time for Youre Great great Grandfather (on your Mother's Mother's Mother's Side of the family ) to inspire you again

and for e4nf3 another swell game.

I like that word swell

If you have trouble posting humorous replies here or any that make sense to someone who reads reasonably well...

I hear you loud and clear...

Here we see a really bad chess player being baffled and bewildered about how to play black against e4:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkmDPMSl2Gg&feature=related

The inside joke, for those of you who know chess history, is that Alekhine (one of the greatest players of all time) choked to death on a piece of steak stuck in his throat.  

What is the lesson here?  I guess you are a bad chess player if you do not chew your food enough.

1) You're possibly a bad player if toward the end game, your mind comes back to the game after being a 1000 miles away and you forgot whether you were black or white.

2) You try to take one of your own pieces.

Oh yes, I know quite well how to go deep... deep... deep... in middlegame calculations trying to search some good looking combinations, until I suddenly rememper that nice summer 19xx.

Its bit hard to calculate tactics when you have focus of ADD.

Yep, I did both of those my last game.  Keeps you humble.