Welcome to this morning's update. This Reporter, in the ongoing quest to unpack this Breaking News, bravely disregarded the admonishment on the rules sheet, "DO NOT RETURN TO THE STORE", and returned to the store. This time, the clerk's eyes were not kind and twinkley, like they were when he made the sale. In fact, his brows furrowed with remarkable crenellation, and no doubt there was a frown under his nicotine-stained N95 mask.
"What in tarnation?" was his response as this Reporter held out the chess set.
"I'm a Chess News Reporter, and I'm trying to find out more about this set."
He looked even more perplexed, which was astounding, as only his eyes were visible.
"I'm doing a story on en passant, and this set doesn't have it."
His eyes narrowed, "Don't know nuthin' bout no en poo-whut, 'sides we don' sell no chess sets, never did. We got checkers if you want."
"But I have the receipt, see?"
His shoulders sagged. "Awright, ok, some guy named Erik came in the other day 'n bought 'em all, paid me extra not to tell anyone, but you outsmarted me, guess you do play chess." His eyes brightened. "I remember it was Erik with a 'K' 'cause it looked funny on his card. Most likely foreign," he added helpfully.
"Any chance I could get a refund? It was pretty steep at $234.65, and according to the leadership of my internet chess club, it's defective." This Reporter already had all the photographic documentation required, and it was beginning to look like some funds would need to be recouped in order to finance a full in-depth muckraking expedition.
"Hell no, now git! There's a reason them rules said not to come back here!" His hand reached ominously under the counter, as this Reporter scurried out the door.
What are you smoking?
Please go to your room and let the grownups talk.