The Next Evolution In Chess

The Next Evolution In Chess

   Chess has stagnated in the last decades due to a dearth of new ideas. In this intellectual void I have worked out my new theory of chess. I give to the chess world the next evolution in chess… Ultra –Hypermodern Chess. This game was justly hailed for its revolutionary ideas. Though in reality it is more evolutionary. Both Steinitz and the great Nimzowitsch saw the truth of this new system. Those great thinkers could not take the next step and let go of their ideas that were rooted in the false teachings of their predecessors.

   The evolution of this theory began truly with Paul Morphy. Though he never espoused it in words or print his games clearly showed he understood a revolutionary idea. That idea was to attack weaknesses. He showed that rapid and purposeful development could be used to attack weaknesses. This allowed him to easily defeat the best player of his day.

   It took many years for the world to begin to understand his theories. Then a new giant strode into the chess arena, Wilhelm Steinitz. He took a world that barely understood Morphy and turned it upside down. In his games and his writings he showed what a weakness was and why it was a weakness. He took Morphy’s attack weaknesses and moved it on its evolutionary course. Steinitz said tempt/.provoke a weakness then attack it, and if there is no weakness you have no reasonable attack. This seemingly obvious step took more than twenty years to make. Steinitz was horribly ridiculed when he stated what everybody should have seen.

   A half century later another great thinker was finding himself the butt of jokes. Aron Nimzoitsch created his now justly famous system. One of the key points of his system was protect and even over-protect weaknesses.

   Now eighty years later I, Doan Pizmeov am fighting against the small minds of the chess establishment. I looked at the progression of chess theory and because of my great and free mind was able to take it to its final step.

   Here is the progression:

   1. Morphy          Attack weaknesses

   2. Steinitz          Provoke weaknesses

   3. Nimzowitsch  Protect/over-protect weaknesses

   4. Pizmeov        Create no weaknesses

  I can hear you all saying, “But of course! That is the truth. Why did not anyone see this before?” Then you think, “It is easy for such a great player like Pizmeov to create no weaknesses, but how can I do such?”

   That is why I have decided to make my system available to you. (Just order on-line at www.doanpizmeov.com it’s available for only $49.95).

   The following game illustrates the truly revolutionary system at work. It has been hailed as the Ultra-Hypermodern Immortal Game, also as the perfect game.

W: GM Doan Pizmeov      B: IM A. Patzer

1. Nf3! Following Nimzowitsch’s great theories I stake my claim in the center. 1. … Nf6! My honorable opponent has also read the great Nimzo! He answers my provocative move in the hyper-modern fashion. 2. Nc3!! I develop and take control of the center! He can not hope to occupy the central squares now. This is where R. Reti erred and made his weakening move 2. d4?!?. For over a hundred years the great masters and teachers have made the observation that most games are lost due to an erroneous pawn move, yet they had not made the obvious leap in thinking that makes my system great. All pawn moves are weakening! 2. … Nc6!! My opponent has studied my games and correctly makes the best move. He creates no weaknesses. A pawn move here would create a target for my developed pieces, and with skillful play I would undermine then take the newly weak pawn and eventually the game. 3. Ng5!!! This move goes against the classical (and erroneous) theory of the game. The “rule” do not move the same piece twice in the opening. I can ignore this “rule” for two reasons; 1. As I have no weaknesses I am free to attack Black’s weakest point--f7. 2. I am a great player! 3. … Ne5!!! Black full up on the latest theory (mine!) he overprotects his f7 pawn. 4. Nce4!!!! This move is brilliant! Not 4. d4?!? As this will become a target. 4. …Nd5!!!! Simply astounding! A player who understands my theory. He centralizes and creates no weakness in his position. 5. Nh3!!!!! It took a great mind (mine) to find this move. I overprotect my f3 pawn. The classical player would have been tempted to make a pawn move on one of the last few moves. The ultra-hypermodern system knows that every pawn move either is a weakness or causes one. 5. …Nc6!!!!! The threat to his f-pawn is relieved he returns his knight to its best posting. 6. Ng1!!!!!! Seeing that Black may start actions against my e-pawn I overprotect it. 6. …Nf4!!!!!! This shows the greatness of my play he now attacks my e-pawn as I knew he would, but now it’s overprotected! 7. Nc3!!!!!!! I overprotect my e-pawn. 7. …Nh5!!!!!!! I had not anticipated Black seeing the depth of the position and making the correct move. 8. Nf3!!!!!!!! Computers are incapable of play this deep. My knight occupies a square to control all play in the center! 8. …Nf6!!!!!!!! Black makes the only move to keep the game in balance. ½-½. Draw.

   Theorists have long speculated whether a perfect game would be a draw or a win for White. That question has now been answered. The above game shows that when each player makes perfect moves the result is a draw.

What the heck is a hypermodern chess? What are you even trying to tell us?

This is some very high-quality trolling. You could have at least put up something at the website you linked to, though. Also, since the moves are all bolded, the fact that they keep increasing in exclamation points makes it too easy to tell without reading much at all that this is a joke.

Hats off, though... this obviously took some work.

In the 1920's and 1930's Nimzowitsch, Reti and a few others founded a school (style) of play that stated that the control of the center of the board in the opening could be controled by pieces operating from a distance. They went on to expand the theory of chess and how it was played. Their ideas helped to for the way chess is understood and played today.

What I have written is a tounge-in-cheek poke at their movement and the writing style of the truely great Nimzowitsch.

lol!!

lol pissmeoff

glad you enjoyed it the exclaims increase with the move number.

My übermodern chess theory:

1.Nf3 xx 2.Ng1 xx 3. Nf3 xx 4. Ng1 xx

Genius. My pawn structure is unsullied, my pieces lie in wait for any attacks and I await the plaudits from all chess students.

If you wish to develop this theory you can substitute Nf3 with der linksspringer: Nc3. This may be dangerous though. The knight may leave itself open to attack.

I am so glad that you agree with the great GM Doan Pizmeov his opening ideas will revolutionize chess theory. soom everyone will be playing this powerful opening system.

It's going to take years, maybe decades, to understand this masterpiece! Astonishing! Pharmacists around the world are working on an ULTRA mind-expanding drug to plumb the depths of 8.) Nf3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO ONE, I MEAN, NO ONE can grasp the profundity encased in that move!!!! Thank you, kyska00, for giving us a glimpse into...THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T MOVE THOSE PAWNS!!

it was my pleasure. and as the great GM Doan Pizmeov said we could plug this game into the best computer program running on the best computer and it would not understand. The human mind is clearly superior to the silicon one.

I feel like a complete idiot! Clearly, moving pawns is something a lower form of life would do...

Hilarious. This must have taken a lot of work.

It is quite reasonable to consider moving pawns a necessity in the early stages of chess development.

However, as you progress, you will realise that those pawn moves actually introduce weaknesses into your position, ergo they are bad.

I am so glad we could help you with your development in our wonderful game.

It is always a pleasure to see that your work is appreciated. Both GM Doan Pizmeov and I thank you for your comments.

Multiple exclamation points, the sure sign of a diseased mind. Congrats, this was a nicely written piece. XD

On a different forum they were discussing unorthodox openings so I posted The Next Evolution of Chess.

It received this comment from a 2235 rated player.

Dude, too many exclamation points. Just because you don't claim a juciy pawn center doesn't make it brilliant. 2 Nc3 is definitley not best, as you may want to move the c pawn, especially if you're doing a hypermodern strategy.

I thought that my writing was so extreme that nobody could take it seriously. Obviously I was wrong.

I am sorry to ask this, but I looked at your recent games where you are playing as white and all of them start with pawn moves!, why dont you use this "briliant" theory of yours?!

I'm not good enough of a player to walk in the shoes of The Great GM Doan Pizmeov.