Add a new dumb rule to chess

Try to make it as infuriating as possible 😈

stalemate is a win for the player who gets stalemated

#3- Honestly, that's a really good one.

#2- they'll just be stuck at the end 😭. Does that mean they can move backwards now?

Due to The shrinking of our brains we have invented EfficientChess™

Every game you play now has a 50% chance to win or lose.

#6- honestly, when Grandmasters play each other, they're so close in skill that it almost is 50/50 split between winning and losing.

En passant gives you an extra tempo.

You can only castle when the king is in check or must jump over a field where he is in check.

Not true. If they play "Simple Chess", they have a very high likelihood to draw with a 96%+ accuracy for both sides (Especially in case of them playing Classical or even Rapid), but they do get in more complicated positions, and especially with limited time, decisive results are also very likely.

On a player's turn, they are not allowed to breath until they make a move. If you breath before moving you forfeit the game.

This is legit just going to kill someone who's playing classical

No one said make a smart rule.

This makes idiots like me overpowered. I don’t think about my moves anyway.

I know

you can en passant any pawn when you’re in checkmate and it moves your king to the square that you en passanted

All pawns automatically promote to bishops

Queens move like horses* but 8x2

* Horses move 3x2

What do you mean

Isn't 3×2 leaper a zebra? Or are you not taking about fairy chess pieces at all?