Can it be done?

Impossible, even you lowered down the rating to 1500. 500 has no chance.

I'm kind of surprised that a 1500 USCF player would ask this question. 

Time for a new topic then

Can a 1500 rated player ask if a 500 rated player can beat a 2800 rated player?

Special agent oso only needed three. 

yes cos only you have kids and there can't be any other explanation.

Does a 500 rated player know what mate is?  It would have to be by accident

he/she/it knows the site knows.  just kids with too much time on their hands.  like jeth colderas.  they're challenging the site admins to do something about it.  the community can only do so much.

Yeah, I mean, there's a Goldilocks zone. Some people don't sandbag enough, some sandbag just the right amount, but you YGNR, you take it way too far.

A true beginner is probably under 500.

And they're often a surprising mix. They'll see moves and have ideas you don't expect them to, but then they'll surprise you with something completely absurd like thinking K+N vs K can force checkmate, and then you remember, oh yeah, beginners don't know the basics.

You won the forum for a day

What obscure reference is this?

[does google search]

Ok, it's true, you're a parent of young child/ren haha

or i'm 4.  i was parodying this dumb bear even before the internet caught on ;-)

My USCF rating is 696 and I know what mate is.  Not quite 500 but close