Carlsen's girlfriend. A serious source of concern for chess fans

Oh, Magnus. For years, you have been a model for many aspiring chess players, specially young ones. Little children with a worrying obsession for chess used to tell their helicopter parents: "Daddy, Mommy, when I grow up, I wanna be like him". And then Daddy and Mommy nodded their heads and smiled.

I admit I never went to the extreme of worshipping Carlsen as my saviour/second coming of Bobby Fischer  as some people in these forums do. But he was somebody difficult to hate for chess players. Probably the main reason was that they identified with him. An ugly man (working as a fashion model cannot change that when your face is that of a Neanderthal)  in his twenties, prone to tantrums, socially awkward (slightly, at least) and with no known love interests. Ignore his age, and you have the prototypical chess player.

Of course, there were also other reasons why many chess aficionados felt identified with him. Norway is not a relevant country, and according to those amusing yet unbelievable maps you can find on the Internet most Americans would not be able to locate it in the map. As any irrelevant country, Norway lacks enemies. Had Carlsen been born in the USA, nothing would be the same

However, things have changed. Chess players no longer can feel Carlsen represents them. There were suspicions that something horrible was going on, but they were dismissed as lies. Carlsen's performance stuttered. Nevertheless, the lack of a chess equivalent of tabloids prevented those rumours from spreading through the chess community. But finally we were hit with full force by the worst news we could imagine: Carlsen had succumbed to the power of hormones. We thought, we wanted to believe Carlsen's obvious lack of appeal would protect him from the arrows of Eros. We were wrong. Now Carlsen has a girlfriend and he is no longer a reference for any of us.

On a related note, given that Aronian is getting married, I would like to express my deepest condolences to Aronian's family and friends.

Rumour has it that his girlfriend is none other than IM Anna Rudolph

Actually, if you did a bit of research you would find out that Norway has quite a few enemies. The Arab world wants to bomb it out of existence. The Palestenians are a bit miffed about the Norweigians setting up shop on land that they also claim to be theirs. Really, you would be hard-pressed to find a single on of its neighbors that does not want it gone. If it weren't for the strong support it has always received from the US, no one today would be able to locate it on a map.

I could. It would be one of my favourite places to end my days if it hadn't a monarchy. I'll pick Finland or Iceland instead.

Carlsen ugly? He's hot. Smart, good-looking, makes a lot of money. I'll bet when he has a child, that child ends up being a top-rated grandmaster.

Oslo is at the same latitude as Tunguska in Siberia, scene of the 1908 bolide impact.  If it had happened a few hours later, it would have been a bad day for the Norskies.  As far as Carlsen having a girlfriend, our baseball legend Casey Stengel weighed in with this:  "Spending the night before a game with a woman never hurt no ballplayer.  It's running around looking for one what does him in."

Come on... Kim isn't that stupid.

I beg to differ! Magnus is too good for her.

Pffft. Magnus isn't good enough for Caitlyn.

No. I meant that she's not so stupid as to divorce the musical genius of our generation for some guy who plays a board game for a living.

Men can give up things for women, sounds honorable. Women can also support men in what they are doing. What's more important to you, Carlen's happiness or his chess position and continuing play?

For most chess fans, I think the answer is obvious.

Come on, let's focus on the topic. Magnus no longer fulfill the requirements to be a role model for chess player. We need to find someone else who is:

-Unattractive

-Immature

-Socially awkward

-Unsuccessful in love

Preferably from an almost unknown and irrelevant country.

we need an invouluntry celibate, magnus is a normie

Synne Christin Larsen

She isn't in the FIDE database, so it looks like she's not a chess player (or at least not to any standard)

I don't know if you could say he's objectively hot. I think he has the type of look that women would either really be attracted to or would find very unattractive. Personally, I think he's attractive. The temper tantrums are a turn off but he still seems to have a good head on his shoulders.

Either way, Aronian just got married and he's doing just fine. Safe to say getting laid on the regular and having a female companion isn't doing any harm.

@kingofshedinjas Oh no, I'm so worried about Carlsen. I can't sleep because of that. What if he looses a game? I can't take it anymore waaah!!! Oh no what a tragedy. If he looses one more game I have to quit my job and chess. It's all over now. What should we do? Dear chess community, is their any hope? What will happen to Carlsen?

I'm really worried because if he drops down to 800 I'm gonna freak out. He might loose his title. 

Help!!! Help!!! Is anybody listening right now? We have to do something! This is an emergency!!!

I got it!!! Chess Bucket Challenge!!! We must harness the power of social media!!! We the community can prevent a catastrophe from happening. Chess Bucket Challenge FTW Chess Bucket Challenge ! yeah! Chess Bucket Challenge!!!!!