... play the game, then use the computer afterwards and you're learning just as much. ...
I think you actually learn MORE if you use the computer before and after the game, rather than during the game.
If you use it during the game, I'd think there would be a huge temptation to just do what the computer said, instead of applying your brain at all.
You can learn a lot before a game with the computer. For example, in my match against EnGliSHCheSsPlAy, I researched games he had played, found one where he won because of his opponent's blunder in the opening, and extensively analyzed that position with the help of Rybka before the first move. I certainly learned a lot about those kinds of positions. (Fortunately, he walked into that line. Unfortunately, he blundered a piece early so I was not able to test my lines. http://www.chess.com/echess/game.html?id=8818123)
And, of course, you can learn a lot analyzing games afterward, such as with chess.com's Analysis feature.
yeah i'm not quite understanding the whole argument about how computers help one with their chess skills during a game. i don't see how there is a reason for this. play the game, then use the computer afterwards and you're learning just as much. there is no reason why it has to be used during a game (especially against someone who is unaware of it being used).
you can still reach that level of "greatness" that one reaches when combining the human brain and a computer in chess, and this way you're not cheating anyone.